Aspect_7642

Hey wanna be friends!

I stayed up like all night finishing up a powerpoint presentation
          
          Slept through half the day
          
          Uh... turns out someone was supposed to drop something off for my mom and I didn't answer :D so... my mom and sister had been calling my phone non-stop for hours straight and thought I was dead. My mom sent one of her damn friends to check on me.
          
          And when she comes home I know she's gonna cuss my ass out so I will be hiding in the closet thank you.

putting it here because if I say it to the person's face they'll cry and bitch about it.
          
          if I am loyal to you. if I am constantly trying my best to follow what you expect of me. if I am constantly reading your word, asking for your guidance, asking for your forgiveness and grace. If I am consistently open minded, non-judgemental, kind, selfless and forgiving even of the ones who condemned me without knowing me. If I constantly give even when sometimes I genuinely don't have
          
          and I am banned from inheriting your grace and forgiveness because I married someone of the same sex...
          
          respectfully, I'd rather burn in hell <3 Because what is the point in being loyal to a God- well your definition of God -if he is going to banish me for something I quite literally cannot control. 
          
          I am so fed up... of these toxic christians.

I'm actually fed up..
          
          I genuinely want to crawl into my skin and die
          
          I have a 15 minute presentation to do for a final project and my over-dramatic anxiety consumed seed of a brain is going into overdrive to the point I am stress biting the skin of my fingers and now it burns so yay!! :D 

see now, I am a very... calm... and composed person...
          
          you know that phrase "God made everyone in his image"
          
          he skipped a few people. he skipped a GOOD margin of people.
          
          sometimes I just look at a person and wonder "how tf were you the final cut?"
          
          "HOW did you make it past the drawing board?" "HOW were you the sperm that won the damn race?"
          
          my friend just told me watermelon is better than pineapple and it reminded me of the incident of when a girl asked me if... I was a virgin...??
          
          and... was laughing about it with her friends...
          
          ...
          
          I just...

....
          
          I just had to ask my mom whether or not she'd be mad at me if I were cuss a lecturer out.
          
          nuance:
          
          I'm in college. Majority of its classes is online. The main foundation of it is its online. 
          
          we have an e-classroom and online services etc etc.
          
          Well about 3 days ago those services went down.
          
          meaning teachers, students, staff has no access to the e-classroom/services of the college. meaning teachers can't assign assignments nor can students submit assignments.
          
          unless the teachers are accepting emails but thats it.
          
          moving forward.
          
          I just got a message from one of my course's group chat... that a teacher in particular (not MY teacher but THEIR teacher in one of THEIR courses) is not only assigning a final exam on Monday-
          
          That NO ONE has access to-
          
          -but is also FAILING students... for not submitting assignments.
          
          assignments on the same e-classroom no one has access to -.-
          
          The excuse? HE has access to the e-classroom
          
          ...
          
          no one. has access. to anything. online. 
          
          you mean to tell me... you are genuinely failing students... for not submitting work...when it is literally impossible for them to do so? when you did not request for it to be emailed to you - matter of fact he's definitely one of those pain in the ass lecturers who don't accept emailed assignments
          
          And you LYING too? how is it you have access to the e-classroom... that NO OTHER LECTUER HAS
          
          ...
          
          I am genuinely convinced half of these teachers are high off the scent of their own farts because... WHAT?

See now, one of my brain's favorite past time is randomly reminding me about past interactions that either make me crawl in my own skin in embarrassment or seethe with anger.
          
          and this specific interaction is stored in my brain inside the file "bitches I should have slapped."
          
          I was in class. math. writing in my book.
          
          minding my own DAMN BUSINESS.
          
          bothering no one.
          
          just existing.
          
          just peacefully... fucking... existing.
          
          then behind me some mutated alpaca decided to screech to everyone:
          
          "UhM [my FULL ass name] move your head. I can't see the writing on the board."
          
          ...
          
          mind you, this little bitch could just... crane her neck AROUND to see the white board. Or better yet, politely say "hey can you just x y z" 
          
          but NOOOO announce your request to the whole class and bring all the attention onto me why don't you. Lets not just politely ask me. just yell at the top of your lungs. that's fun!
          
          it took everything in me to smile at this vertically challenged lump of disgrace and say "sure, no probs! :)"
          
          anyways that's my rant for the day since my friends are in class so I can't annoy them and I have to get these thoughts out my system somehow

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Hi! Sharing my stories, maybe you'll like them. I'm open to reviews and comments. 
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/319630856-letters-from-rio