I'VE ENVIED HEAVEN.
I met him on a rainy Sunday,
At a café downtown,
He had soft hazel eyes,
Hair that looked like he had run his hand through it a lot.
He stood in front of me,
Ordering iced coffee,
Like the ice was more important than getting sick during the rainy season.
Something in me made me stare at him
As he ordered.
Back then,
We shared memories,
Promised forever a million times,
Late night talks.
But life is a jealous creature,
Isn't it?
Now,
I stand kneeling at his grave
A place I never thought I would stand before.
So young and so lost.
Holding the ring I found,
Tucked away in a drawer of all the things I gave him.
The grief hit me like a speeding train.
Knowing I'd never lose myself again
into those gentle hazel eyes I loved for years,
Or hold those hands that held me through the darkest of my nights.
Sometimes,
When rain taps against the windows on a Sunday,
I find myself back in the café,
Sipping on the iced coffee I hated
My mind slipping back to the man who loved ice creams in winters,
And hot soups in summers.
No matter how much I hate to say this,
I've always envied heaven,
From the time
He became someone
For it to keep.
