Just read ‘My Roommate is a Player’ I think it definitely has some good bones for what could be a really interesting story.. I think it reads a little too much like the outline for a story then having the actual meat it needs to be a great story.. I will def take another look in a bit to see if I enjoy it better a second time around..
Also, not too sure if you are aware, but you use the word ‘gay’ as an insult and way to judge certain things in your story.. this is a little derogatory, as being gay isn’t an insult, nor should the word be used as one.. not trying to hate, just to let you know:)
I really do think your characters could be cool with some development:)