Ayaingachahell
Official retirement from Wattpad.
Hello everyone, it's been a while.
Some of my followers may know me from when I panicked because my first 2 Kuroko no Basket fanfics I wrote when I was 13 got deleted when all my paper drafts were lost and I had to start from scratch. Few are new and most have moved on.
"Alrighty so after 3 years of contemplating, on again off again writing, studies, exams and losing my sense of identity, finding it, crying over my lost drafts and the bullying the depression of it all I'm finally returning, I'm finally going to complete everything, I've made new drafts and stuff I'll probably update the covers at a later date and do my own art for it once I get a drawing tab, The truth is, this year my love for Kuroko no Basket has been rekindled or rather than rekindled I understand why I wanted to write for this series. It unironically took a KnB as vines for me to realise this but I love this series so much I really do.
I recently updated 'The Phantom They Never Knew'
and my other concept story
I thank you everyone who has read this story and I wish everyone a prosperous and happy new year"
you remember this? ha ha I don't (I do...)
I wanted to quit Wattpad in particular, "The Phantom They Never Knew" looking at my fanfic from 13-14 years as an 18-year-old made me cringe I can't find any other word.
I had a clear goal but couldn't develop it to save my life. My 14-year-old self and 18-year-old self were so different. I'm 19 now and let me tell you 2022 was such a year I wouldn't recognise myself at 18.
I freaking love Kuroko no Basket. Yet, I hated the sight of 'The Phantom they never knew' and 'The Phantom's Piano and The Emperor's Violin' was okay but I was not proud of it.
In 2022 my mental health had taken quite a fall, I couldn't even do anything but wake up and move to my couch and sleep the entire day, wake up, and eat, I didn't even eat some days or listen to music, I tried to power through and write but that didn't work
Ayaingachahell
I'm still not sure if I'll delete this account though but know there will be no updates on here
Ayaingachahell
So I gave up and put it down, I only did it because so many people read and constantly commented for me to update since 2020 and I felt owed them, I probably do a bit, but as I considered reconstructing everything all 4 first chapters my burnout and depression got worse, slowly consuming me.
Enter Ao3, i had an A03 from 2018 wanting to post my fics on there but had forgotten the password, I thought it was too much of a hassle to try to retrieve it.
How is this relevant?
Well, I started reading a bunch of fanfics, I had actually decided to post a random fic idea on there I tried to remember what email I used on there and tried all the passwords I had at that age, what do you know it worked, I posed the first thing called Bittersweet Symphonies that's deleted now because though it was okay, it felt incomplete,
It was then I realised Wattpad feels like a burden, whether it was formatting, or anything else.
Also, Wattpad feels very limiting, I wanted to get into deep serious topics, with my childhood fics looming over my potential new ones it was just not the place, I like the fact you can add tags to your work so people know what they're getting into.
That's when it hit me, how many actual pure angst fics do we have on Wattpad?
I mean there's a plethora of Kuroko abandonment fics on here, but I wanted to do something more than that, it just didn't feel right to post it here.
So I deleted 'The Phantom They Never Knew and unpublished my other fic
The Phantom's Piano and The Emperor's Violin.
Maybe I regret deleting it just a bit but at last, I think I'm free.
I'm doing much better now and I haven't given up writing.
In fact to those who are still here you can find me on Ao3 under the name Ayaingachahell
https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayaingachahell/profile
I can't promise I'll write for The Phantom's Piano and The Emperor's Violin or The Phantom They Never Knew but you may like my new fanfics I think?
Thank you for this ride.