v3x_slay

this message may be offensive 
hey :) its been a while huh?
          
          im an adult now! can you believe it?? its crazy to me too :>
          
          things have been.. suspiciously good lately-
          
          i got a job over the summer making $20/hour, im moving to my single dorm room at the University of Maine at Farmington in 5 days, i got a tattoo and a nose piercing, i have a healthy relationship for the first time in forever, i got on some good meds that work really well, i have a lot of friends from everywhere and hang out or talk with them often (every minute of every day), i have a car named Louise she's my pride and joy and im emotionally attached to her, and i finally told my mom that im trans and she doesnt really give a shit what i do because im an adult :>
          
          its like.. im suspicious of it lmao- things havent been this good... *ever* so im like waiting on the edge of my seat for everything to nosedive into shit again lmaooo
          
          i realize i never talked about all the bullshit of high school here. so, i no longer am friends with anyone from paul school because they plotted to kill me for some fucking reason?? so that was fun- and i got in with a bad crowd of pedophiles and rapists (unknowingly) and am physically and emotionally scarred for life and have decades worth of trauma to unpack in therapy. jesus fuckin christ LMAO

v3x_slay

this message may be offensive 
but my mom reached out to brandin (or however you spell it) and asked about you. he was able to fill her in on the fact that youre somewhere for "troubled kids" and cant have any visitors. i wasnt really sure what to do with that information, but all i can say is im glad youre alive and i hope that youre doing well given the circumstances...
            
            i got your initial tattooed over my heart with angel wings and a halo. you mean a lot to me. youve made me who i am whether you did it intentionally or not, and i owe you some amount of credit to you. but in all honesty, i cant beat myself up over you being gone. i cant take accountability and curse myself and say "i wish i had known" or "i wish i had done better" because such useless things waste time and energy. im moving on and forward. ive accepted the mistakes and im working on making less of them in the future. you taught me a lot about the world and i appreciate you so much for it, so thank you for giving me the experience and reality check that i needed to later save people from suicide, drugs, and jail. i cant count the lives ive touched since youve been gone, but i credit you for every one of them. thank you. fucking thank you
• Reply

v3x_alt

thinking of you almost everyday now. wish i could give you some christmas and birthday gifts
          
          happy birthday by the way, i meant to send a message earlier this week but i havent been on social media in a bit
          
          i miss you more than my pride allows me to admit

v3x_alt

or at the very least alive
• Reply

v3x_alt

please be okay
• Reply

DaitanFutekinaYaro

this message may be offensive 
— — —hi
          
          still me, just a different account
          
          i just wanna say i miss you
          
          i feel like i don't say it enough
          
          i miss you
          
          i care for you
          
          and i love you as a friend
          
          thank you for shedding light onto how i was behaving before. thank you for giving me the experience of losing a friend; even though it fucking sucks, it's something i needed to experience
          
          thank you, but please come back

DaitanFutekinaYaro

this message may be offensive 
oh and a random update in case you care:
            -jo and i are still friends even though we aren't close at all
            -i have a crush on someone who loves me one minute but thinks of me as a friend the next
            -my ex kaleb is now my best friend ever,, they're now genderfluid, bisexual, and polyamorous with 2 boyfriends. i've spent all of my free time this summer hanging out with them at the park or at the beach and it's been fun
            -i move into college over the summer tomorrow so i won't be able to spend like any time with friends anymore
            -i finished my first novel and it's published on this account
            -after i got broken up with i was highkey in denial for a good month but once i realized i think i was awake for 4 days straight because i couldn't sleep and now i'm slightly more suicidal than before but tbh it's my own fault lol i should've broken it off back in january like i wanted to. would've made the pain more bearable. oh, and after he kinda cut contact, so did all of the friends i made through him so now i literally have no friends to talk to anymore. for like 2 years he was the only person i talked to at every chance i got and took away from time with my irl friends. ended up losing a shit ton of ppl too and now the guilt from that is hitting
            
            tl;dr overall the past few months have just been a shitshow and i still want to slit my fucking wrists if only i had something sharp enough jfc
• Reply

v3x_alt

this message may be offensive 
hey
          
          i hope you're doing ok out there. i most certainly am not. i won't bore you with too many details, but let's just say all of my friends are drifting away. they're leaving for the crowd of kids that skip and drink and smoke and don't care if they have to drop out
          
          it really hurts but i'm watching josephine slowly leave me and i can't help but miss her even though i know it's for the best that she's leaving. it just sucks that i keep feeling responsible for her
          
          i found out that she's self harming and now i want to help her out but like
          
          where was she when i desperately needed, and still need, help? she never bothered to ask me how i was or what she could do for me, not that there was much that she could do. it just hurt that she never even bothered to show a care or concern for my wellbeing. so i feel like shit just ignoring the fact that she's self harming but what the hell am i supposed to do about it?? i can't help her, i can't even help myself for fuck's sake
          
          i've contemplated suicide every minute for over a month. i have no energy to get up, all i do is sleep. i'm falling behind in class. i don't have any reliable friends. my boyfriend and i broke up. my mom's convinced i'm getting better and i'm not i'm fucking not i'm not fucking ok and it's not ok
          
          i miss you. so fucking much. i just want someone to hug right now. i just want a friend. please come back. please...

v3x_alt

this message may be offensive 
hello :)
          
          i've been in therapy for a while now, i officially have depression and anxiety and i scored a 19/20 on an adhd test so i will probably be getting that diagnosed soon too. i'm working on getting medications (currently on herbal "mOoD sUppOrTs" that don't work very well) but it's an interesting situation since my mom doesn't like medication but eh,, i'm trying at least
          
          not much good has been happening lately and it's kinda shit. i'm also questioning my sexuality again because i may be polyamorous which is fun but anyway
          
          mm what else has happened lately
          
          oh yeah uh jo got a new boyfriend recently and despite the insane number of red flags she's been dedicating time to him but today she thinks she might've caught him cheating on her. she's really upset about it and i don't have any experience in this so i have no idea how to help her which is so frustrating
          
          but yeah that's pretty much all the news i have. hope that your Christmas/New year went alright, even though you hate Christmas. i miss you man. so fucking much
          
          please reach out sometime <3

v3x_alt

this message may be offensive 
goddamn i miss you
          
          you should come back i can meet up with you downtown i'm meeting up with a bunch of the others like josephine, makayla, and kaleb :) i think nic will be there too but who knows. makenzie probably won't be there she moved to kingswood but hey a bunch of us are still here
          
          we miss you man
          
          or rather i miss you
          
          i think everyone else forgot about you which is fucking stupid a couple of them say shitty things about you and i want to smash their heads into concrete
          
          but i remember you. and i miss you. i know you probably don't miss me, but please. come back...