AzizaAhammed

I am writing this just to get it off my chest.....I kinda need to. This is a sort of letter to people I used to love. Or still do. But they broke me. The people who were supposed to love me the most broke me.
          	
          	You assumed something. You assumed that I hate you all, you assumed that I am not good enough because I don't love you enough. You think I am an empty can who cannot love. But the truth is that I tried. You all know I tried. I tried to approach you, I tried to trust all of you but in the end all it did was hurt. Everytime I tried to talk to anyone they were either busy or they dismissed me. And then now when I am trying to let you go you still have a problem, even on the last day you met me to try to "change" my mind you still made me suffer. Made me think that I am useless, worthless, disloyal. 
          	
          	You forgot that almost all my life I have looked for only one thing. Love. I have always been scared of losing you. And imagine my pain when things have taken such a turn that I have to willingly let you go. And I guess you were right? I am empty. I really can never trust. And now all that is left in me is bitterness. Once in a while I really wonder that won't it be easier to just end everything. You won. You were right. All I wish for now is a little bit of peace and some rest. Just a home. I do have one. In seven wonderful boys. And from now on......I will go far away from all of you. I am better off that way. You know I never chose to be like this? It's just that when I am alone nobody can hurt me. Its just easier. It became the only way. But you all need to know something. I loved you. I still love you. I loved you all so much that I hate myself now. But all that is useless now. I have nothing left anymore. I AM an empty can.

AzizaAhammed

Why does it hurt so? Can't it just go? Why can't we all go back to what we were. When all of us would look up at 6 o'clock in the evening and see the starry sky with wide eyes. Just silently enjoying each other's company. Why can't we go back to playing our Great Game? A game we all invented ourselves. Why can't we just play catch catch? When we would run throwing caution to the wind and try to catch each other. I lost the game, didn't I? I could not catch you. And now I am left behind. All alone. You know I still wait? I still wait at the same place you left me. I still think that just like the 23rd of May 2019, all of you will show up suddenly and just make me forget. Make me happy again. But when I look towards the path you know what I see? My own shadow. That's all that I have got left. Your memories and my own self who has become like a shadow. I miss myself. I miss the past. I miss you all. I still love you.
• Reply

AzizaAhammed

I am writing this just to get it off my chest.....I kinda need to. This is a sort of letter to people I used to love. Or still do. But they broke me. The people who were supposed to love me the most broke me.
          
          You assumed something. You assumed that I hate you all, you assumed that I am not good enough because I don't love you enough. You think I am an empty can who cannot love. But the truth is that I tried. You all know I tried. I tried to approach you, I tried to trust all of you but in the end all it did was hurt. Everytime I tried to talk to anyone they were either busy or they dismissed me. And then now when I am trying to let you go you still have a problem, even on the last day you met me to try to "change" my mind you still made me suffer. Made me think that I am useless, worthless, disloyal. 
          
          You forgot that almost all my life I have looked for only one thing. Love. I have always been scared of losing you. And imagine my pain when things have taken such a turn that I have to willingly let you go. And I guess you were right? I am empty. I really can never trust. And now all that is left in me is bitterness. Once in a while I really wonder that won't it be easier to just end everything. You won. You were right. All I wish for now is a little bit of peace and some rest. Just a home. I do have one. In seven wonderful boys. And from now on......I will go far away from all of you. I am better off that way. You know I never chose to be like this? It's just that when I am alone nobody can hurt me. Its just easier. It became the only way. But you all need to know something. I loved you. I still love you. I loved you all so much that I hate myself now. But all that is useless now. I have nothing left anymore. I AM an empty can.

AzizaAhammed

Why does it hurt so? Can't it just go? Why can't we all go back to what we were. When all of us would look up at 6 o'clock in the evening and see the starry sky with wide eyes. Just silently enjoying each other's company. Why can't we go back to playing our Great Game? A game we all invented ourselves. Why can't we just play catch catch? When we would run throwing caution to the wind and try to catch each other. I lost the game, didn't I? I could not catch you. And now I am left behind. All alone. You know I still wait? I still wait at the same place you left me. I still think that just like the 23rd of May 2019, all of you will show up suddenly and just make me forget. Make me happy again. But when I look towards the path you know what I see? My own shadow. That's all that I have got left. Your memories and my own self who has become like a shadow. I miss myself. I miss the past. I miss you all. I still love you.
• Reply

AzizaAhammed

this message may be offensive 
So I was trying to delete some stuff on my laptop. And I may or may not have accidentally deleted the draft of my next oneshot. And I may or may not have to write the whole fucking thing down from my memory. 
          
          I know I know. I am an idiot