Hi, I’m underage. I hate the body I’m trapped in, the way it looks, the way it never feels enough. I stay up all night studying, but no matter how hard I try, I fail. Nothing I do is ever enough.
Everyone I’ve loved has left me. They see how broken I am and decide I’m not worth staying for. I can’t talk to people without stuttering, and when they laugh at me, I laugh too, even though it hurts. I say yes to everything because I don’t know how to say no. Even when I’m screaming inside, all that comes out is yes.
I don’t feel safe at home. I flinch when someone raises their hand. The yelling never stops, the noise never stops. I just want it all to be quiet. I cry too much—especially when I’m yelled at—but I can’t help it.
I’m the eldest, so I’m supposed to be stronger, supposed to help more. Instead, I’m the one who gets blamed, the one who gets hurt. But no one knows that, because I hide it all behind a fake smile, a forced laugh, and a mask I can’t take off.