Raijin1996

Raijin1996

@Baron_Silver Not really. Always ready to hear from you
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Baron_Silver

@Raijin1996 I hope you don't mind me randomly spamming you, because I have a lot of thoughts! I'm very excited to talk about this chapter!
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Baron_Silver

@Raijin1996 I'm sorry I missed this! Things kindly of got hectic at work (I passed my exams, but internships killing me), so I missed a lot of reading and messages! Just got back to the swing of it.
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Raijin1996

My friend... Is this ok or too much?
          
          His brother-in-law, Śakuni, had once said over a game of dice and philosophy that not all virtues and vices are born equal. Even in dharma and adharma, there must be balance—a rhythm, a design. Even within virtue, there must be caution. Even within sin, there must be balance.
          
          At the time, Dhṛtarāṣṭra had dismissed it as another of Śakuni’s strange riddles.
          
          And this mission… this carnage… it revealed to Dhṛtarāṣṭra what kind of balance lived inside that child.
          
          The Elephant’s virtue of Patience.
          
           He was a Mahārathi. A warrior whose strength could shiver nations.  Yet when men mocked him, spat the word Sūta like poison—he never once retaliated. He endured it.
          
          
          Not out of weakness. But because elephants do not mind when dogs bark.  It is not the silence of submission. It is the strength of restraint.
          
          The Bear’s sin of Wrath.
          
          
          Bears do not hunt without cause. But wound their young—and see what follows. Vasusena was no different.
          
           He was gentle until love was threatened. And when it was—he burned. Not blindly. Not wildly. But with the focus of grief sharpened into rage.
          
          The Lion’s sin of Pride.
          A lion, sovereign of the wild and yet it will perform in cages for lesser men. For it survival is important.
          
          Vasusena’s pride is greater than a lion. Because he bowed his head not for his survival but because of his loved ones.

Baron_Silver

@Raijin1996 Hello! I just read through the rest of your draft and can I say how awesome it is that you've changed the dynamics between the characters while somehow remaining true to their characterisation? It's like looking into a twisted mirror.  Same, but just a bit different. And I love how the King reacted to Suyodhana swearing to listen to his mother. It fits perfectly, while the bit about Gandhari's whispers sinking fear into his bones just shows how much of a flawed perspective he has when it comes to his wife. That sentence just proves how much influence she has over everything despite him thinking otherwise.  Also, Vasusena terrorizing him straight before Suyodhana tries to leave the throne makes so much sense. He wouldn't have agreed otherwise. Not with how much he's clung to the idea of Suyodhana retaining the power he was denied. Although,  I have to say that this version makes the elders look worse. Bhishma,  Pandu and Vidura, especially.  It would be necessary for Dhritharashtra to not come as an unhinged psychopath who did what he did just because he was born evil (not saying he's not a psychopath but things would have been different if Bhishma had been more careful). At the same time what those three does here is very in character to the original version.  Is this Dhritharashtra just more of an expert at holding grudges and noticing slights or is there a difference in those three here as well? I'm looking forward to seeing the conversation between vasusena and the king play out and of course, the abdicaton argument. So far you've done a wonderful job with this version.  Have fun writing the rest!
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Baron_Silver

@Raijin1996 That does make sense. This Shakuni atleast had a valid reason for wanting to do what he did and Dhritharashtra is the one who caused that. And I suppose Suyodhana and his siblings would have been treated worse if Dhritharashtra had died when they were young. And Gandhari's part is interesting too. For all she seems incapable from his point of view, she must have done spectacularly well in her role as a queen to retain that level of respect from her people,  especially considering that all the men in the royal family are losing respect like a leaky faucet. 
            Kind of looking forward to Suyodhana's argument with his parents from this version's point of view. Gandhari might agree as easily as she did in the og version but this Dhritharashtra is going to be dragged to that decision,  kicking and screaming.  Good luck with that scene. It's bound to be interesting!
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Raijin1996

@Baron_Silver As for Gandhari... she was considered to be one of the kindest and capable queens at that time. Do you think she would tolerate this? And if she hated him outwardly... he would have even less power than he has
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Raijin1996

Hello Baron...
          Do you want to read the draft?

Baron_Silver

@Raijin1996 That was just me, probably.  I locked my phone without closing the doc when I read it. Then I opened my phone now, except it kind of freezes on occasion. Then I shook my phone to make it work again and the screen did back out of the doc and then got opened again in rapid succession.  So that was most probably why you kept getting repeated notifications.  
            Thank you for being so kind to me.
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Raijin1996

@Baron_Silver Nothing like that, I just asked. Because when someone accesses this... I will get a notification. It showed to people accessed it. So just asked.
            
            Even if you share I don't mind really. Because I'm writing for others to read. It will be out in less than two weeks.
            
            It's really not a bother.
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Baron_Silver

@Raijin1996 I've removed it from my shared list in docs. I shouldn't be able to access it anymore unless you specifically send me a link again. I was using 2 devices and your link was open on my phone. I haven't shared it with anyone else. Once again,  I apologize if I've caused you any trouble.
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BrhannadaArmour

Thank you for the vote on "Gratitude - Karṇa Rādheya Speaks" in my book "Yath'aiva tvaṃ tath'aiv'āhaṃ ko vā mā'śvāsayiṣyati." I hope you will enjoy all of my stories. Comments and criticisms are always welcome.
          
          I have created a forum for discussion of Mahābhārata and more:
          https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/haimamtaladrumavanam/

SimpForAngstBoi

Bro have you no fic recs?

SimpForAngstBoi

THANK YOU SO MUCH BURAZZAR!!!!
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