Rimm

I just wanna be able to vocalize these feelings. Let them be known somehow without drowning in awkwardness
          I want my feelings to matter. These butterflies in my stomach just stay pent up, die and rot into dread and spite
          But now it’s over, summer begins, senior year looms, and I think I lost sight of my one goal
          
          I don’t know what to do, I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know how I’ll go on

Life only feels more and more false and lonely with time. It’s like I’m a mere spectator of the place and the interesting people who inhabit it. I wish I could talk to some of them. Some who I find funny, or who have similar interests to me, or that I like romantically. I’ll never talk to any of them because I’ve already locked myself out. All these people are inaccessible, I’ve locked myself in a tomb with two other similiarly antisocial individuals. Individuals whose moral compasses confuse and scare me. I look past their awful, sec destructive traits just to have friends. People to stand by me. As I don’t talk, I fear they form my reputation for me. It would only be logical for people to assume I share the qualities of those I am around. Or perhaps no one thinks anything of me because of my silence and awkwardness. I don’t know which is worse. All I know is I’ve dug this hole and I’m stuck. Eventually I’ll hit a wall I can’t painstakingly get over, and I’ll give up. I can’t be like this in the adult world, but I can’t see myself changing. I don’t feel motivation to do much of anything Gn anymore. I haven’t truly done anything in a while. I just wish I could start over and be a completely different person, and not this mess of a man I hate so much. I wish I could talk to anyone. But I can’t. And the fact taunts me. No one wants to help, cause why would they. And would I even except the help? It’s over. Just delaying the inevitable

I added a few chapters to Race to Hollow Earth! :D