•Bee_Lover_Flower•

Also, btw, happy new years! I hope you achieve your new years resolutions. I wish you the best year.

Lately it feels like I'm latching on to old memories and I feel as I'm unable to move forward in the world. Every time I feel thankful for something, I immediately think about how this could be the last time it'll ever happen.
          
          I'm in a constant state of grieving. I'm grieving things that have happened, will happen, and might happen. I yearn for experiences and new memories but I can't escape from the old ones. I'm stuck in a place where I'm pushing forward but the hallway keeps going.
          
          I've felt like this for quite some time. I enjoy stuff. I feel happy. Then I start to think. I think about love, friendship, family, and soon, all I can think about is how it will end one day. Everything ends one day. I'm scared for when it'll be the end of certain things for me. So I hold on to those old memories tight, too afraid to make new ones in fear that they'll just rip me apart like the old ones.
          
          It's been a while since I posted and I think this is a dark welcome back post but I just wanted to show my thoughts. Sorry if you've read this.

i was gonna wear an anime tshirt to school for my first day back but i saw a post on how embarrassing it is to wear anime shirts now im worried im gonna get bullied when i go back 

Everyday i have the fear someone is going to find my wattpad account.

if people beat you up constantly, at one point you have to be the problem right? am i the reason why everyone hits me all the time?

i cant tell if my friends hitting me for 3 years is funny anymore or just tiring and expectable. first year was filled with hair pulling and kicking. second year was filled with punching, kicking, and slapping. this year is filled with kicking, slapping, and pinching.

sometimes i genuinely can't tell if i'm a bad person or not. it's my fault for picking on my friends and making tiny jokes so do i deserve these bruises. for a solid 3-5 months, i had bruises up and down my shins because they kept kicking me. i still have bruises up and down my arms from my friends pinching me. i started it so i feel i deserve some type of punishment and no one should feel bad for me but then again it hurts sometimes.

STARKID QUESTION: DIRTY GIRL (NPMD) VS. JANE'S A CAR (NIGHTMARE TIME) which is less awkward to watch with a parent?

i keep forcing my mother to watch Starkid and Smosh stuff to convert her. she told me today the last things of starkid she'll ever watch will be Cinderella's Castle and one other show. the problem is, she said she'll either watch the entirety of Nightmare Time (seasons 1 & 2) or she'll watch Nerdy Prudes Must Die for Angela. IM SO SCARED ABOUT JANE'S A CAR AND DIRTY GIRL. which is worse? which so I watch. Do I survive Dirty Girl with my mom or do I do Jane's A Car with my mom. I'm terrified for both but which is better to do.

happy saint patricsk fday! hope the leperchun didn't get oyu.!