K

i thought for sure this was different. turns out, i still want to run. i still sabotage potential relationships with other people.

i haven’t had the courage to look at all the pictures of us. i didn’t need to, they were so alive in my mind.

4 years after. excruciating long years. i realize that i haven’t really moved on, i didn’t let myself to grieve properly, in that 4 years i set aside the hurt and the pain because i had to stay above the water, i succumbed myself with work and trying to cope with adulthood, now that i am stable, content and free of burden, everything is coming back to me, all at once. we had beautiful memories.

it took so long to accept that i would never get the closure i want and needed, it kept me from moving forward. it felt wrong that it was an open ended story, but that’s what we were, i get it now.

wary  of what’s yet to come.

“in form and intellect, the most exquisite.”

may pangamba, may alinlangan, kailan ba mararanasan ang karangyaan? 

is God happy when he created me?

all will be alright in time

“it’s time to turn into dust..”