𝓣𝓻𝓲𝔁𝓲𝓮 ✰

i’m back. it’s been so long since i’ve REALLY been on here. i’ve stopped by every once in a while to read a couple chapters of random books, haven’t been motivated enough to get through a full book yet. i’ve had to do SO much for band, i’ve been busy every single day. i really love it and think it’s worth it, but im exhausted. 
          
          it’s been a rough month. ive vaped for the first time, done weed, relapsed multiple times, gotten drunk, have had trouble texting/responding to anyone other than my best friend, and im not proud of any of it. i’ve been having such a hard time lately and am trying anything to make it better, which i know is so unhealthy. i’m still lowkey gonna smoke bc it’s fun (and i like the smoke tricks, not even the way that the nic feels. can’t do smoke tricks with weed unfortunately) but i realized something.
          
           i don’t really need any of that to make myself feel better. sure its better in the moment, but it doesnt DO anything. i lost someone i really loved (she’s still alive. we’re still friends. we haven’t been talking lately and she has lost feelings for me so it’s just hard right now) and i guess her going on and off with me was a huge problem that i wasn’t even realizing. i’ve lost weight, my eating disorder came back, i was constantly relapsing. even though i loved her with my entire soul, it’s not healthy, and i don’t think i can let myself go back to her again. 
          
          anyways. she’s still in my life but i feel a weight lifted off me, even though im still upset about the whole situation. and my english teacher this semester has already beyond changed my life. if you know me, you no that i am in no way a positive person. but since she’s taught me, i actually feel alive? i feel happy for no reason? she’s the sweetest teacher i’ve ever had. (continuing this in the replies, my word count )

Hiiiii! Miss you! 

its my birthday 

hi gay shart:)

holy fucking shit that concert was unreal.
          first off, SHE PLAYED TWO EXTRA SONGS?!?!?
          she played yesterday by the Beatles
          and played "your power"
          HOWD I GET SO LUCKY??
          and then she proceeded to say "this is one of my favorite shows of the tour"
          
          also she cried after the third song (i think? i dont remember but it was somewhere in the beginning) but it got me all choked up and shit cause she was silent for like two minutes tryna hold it back before she could pick up the mic again and i felt so bad
          
          ALSO WHEN SHE BLASTED THE CONFETTI, I GOT A BUNCH OF IT AND I GOT NINE OF THE BLOSH CONFETTIS
          and billie teared up a few more times during the show :(
          
          BUT IT WAS SO COOL AND I HAD A LOT OF FUN
          also she made eye contact with me and i started levitating likre oohohohhh whens the wedding
          and she did talk a bit about the election too and told everyone that we're all safe with her

i know we were literally just texting lmao but i’m just here to say that i’m so so happy you had a good time and got to see billie tonight!!! im glad you were able to go and have better phone quality LMFAOO  i still remember you telling me that about the first time you went to see her 

I GOT MY CUSTOMIZED BILLIE EILISH CONVERSE OH MY GOD IM CRYING

green day puts on an unbelieveable show..
          
          so the first opening band, the linda lindas played.
          the drummer was fourteen? FOURTEEN!? PLAYING DRUMS ON STAGE WITH A BAND OPENING FOR GREEN DAY. wish that could be me. the oldest person in the band was only nineteen.
          then rancid played, my mom LOVES them. and they played ruby soho and time bomb which i sang to because i love those
          then smashing pumpkins played, they weren't really my thing but it was cool, they played for an hour
          
          holy shit then it was green day. holy fucking shit dude
          they flew an inflateable plane thing over the crowd and dropped little nuke shaped things with the word dookie on it. they only dropped like 10 so i wasn't able to get one but oh well.
          there was fireworks and lights and there was a bunch of fire and they played for like two and a half hours. AND THE LITTLE VIDEOS THEY HAD IN THE BACKGROUND!? they had multiple screens to show all band members at once and sometimes they put people in the crowd on screen. and the album covers were behind them too and it looked absolutely INSANE. like damn this is the actual best concert i will ever go to
          
          oh yeah and billie joe put on his red tie for a few songs and we were matching :) i sang (more like screamed) to every song and whew. im a little deaf now (holy fuck it was loud af) and my voice is gone but that was so worth it
          
          
          
          highly recommend if you ever get the chance. even if you dont listen to them, they put on an amazing show :)

so yall see my recent post? yeah it just happened again but with a different person.
          
          so some of you guys know phi phi o'hara from rpdr season four? they got rid of the name phi phi and have been going by their birth name, jaremi (pronounced like jeremy)
          they still do drag sometimes! just dropped the name
          anyways im not a mega fan of him like i am with adore, but i still think he's super cool and i like his drag a lot.
          so he posted smth earlier today and i commented on it about how beautiful their makeup was in the photo
          TELL ME WHY I COME HOME TO SEE 
          "jaremi liked your reply"
          OH MY GOD?!?!??!
          TWO DRAG QUEENS THAT I LOVE LIKED MY COMMENTS. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IM SO HAPPY.

SO IM ON TWITTER RIGHT?
          AND I WAS TALKING ABOUT ADORE DELANO IN A RANDOM PERSONS COMMENT SECTION
          
          I GET A NOTIFICATION
          I HARDLY GET NOTIFICATIONS ON TWITTER SO IM LIKE "oooh what's this?"
          
          I FUCKING OPEN IT
          "adore delano liked your reply"
          
          ADORE MOTHERFUCKING DELANO LIKED MY COMMENT. I CANT BREATHE IM CRYING