Bleak_is_a_Freak

i miss you, bleak...
          
          im sorry you had to leave us
          
          i just pray you're in a better place now
          
          please forgive me for not noticing sooner
          
          love you, dork

Fuck it!
          Why did you have to leave us?!
          Fuck $uicide summer!
          Just come back, Bleak!
          Who invented dying?!
          You don’t have to follow those rules!
          Arghhhh…

The sky along with God rejects me so I give up trying 
          You reject me too

i still miss you like fuck
          dani tried to join you
          and i think holly did
          say hi to her for me will ya?
          i wanna join you but i refuse to let sm people lose both of us and holly in the same summer
          i refuse to put them through that
          i hate that i have to constantly try and force myself to find reasons to stay
          so many people irl dont see the signs
          and i remember that was probably what you were going through but you had it worse because your home life was actually terrible and mines just ignorant 
          they think they love me
          but how can you love someone you don't know?
          because they barely know me
          things are starting to feel less sad or angry and pathetic, but more numb now
          i always feel so mentally drained. and i hate myself a little less and now that hate is channeled towards my parents and life
          
          sorry for the rant. i miss you so fucking much it hurts
          fly high dove

I feel like joining you 
          But I've promised too many people
          So I'll stay

I feel so… alone… Dani is committing, idk abt holly, Nicole is being her bitch self and life doesn’t feel worth living

I'm sorry I wasn't there. 
          I should've talked to you more.
          Sorry.
          I miss you. <3

I feel dead what 

loved you so much Bleak

Goodbye, Bleak.
          
          I know you probably might not believe it, but I miss you. Truth be told, I didn't know you that well and never tried to, and I'm guilty for that, for not appreciating you properly when you still were there. I don't think I ever even knew you well enough to grieve you. But you still haunt me sometimes, and I can't believe that you're no longer there. I remember when I first met you, my first impression was how sweet you were.  Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed at night, I wonder, if I had reached out to you more, checked up on you more often, talked to you more often, comforted you better when you were upset, would you still be alive? Would you still have the strength to stay?
          
          I've never understood why dead people recieve more flowers than the living until you were gone. Now I do, and I feel so terrible for it. I know that there are a lot of people who feel the same right now, and I hate myself for feeling it, because I'm no better than them. I'm leaving metaphorical flowers on your grave instead of handing them to you like you deserved. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that, but I hope you forgive me.
          
          And now I'm talking too much about myself. How pathetic.
          
          You know, I think I jumbled up your pronouns at one point. Can you clarify again, do you use she or they? (At this point I'm just rambling)
          
          How many number account this is for you? I've seen you get banned so many times, it's unfair. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of it - any of the pain the world put you through. Why do things like this have to happen to such amazing people?
          
          I'm leaving Wattpad now, and I don't want to interact with anyone else on Wattpad anymore, but I wanted to visit you one last time. I probably should have done that earlier, but it took me a long time to accept and even longer to push my guilt back.
          
          Rest in peace, my dove.