Bluesman

Hi CjayS42,
          	
          	I have stopped updating here on wattpad as I've moved on to another site.  Writer's Platform.
          	
          	regards,
          	Bluesman

Bluesman

@SunnySideUpHayden   Hi there Sunny Side, I read the prologue and some pages of Bloody Betrayal.  My comments may be harsh though!
          
          1) The text has a mixture of present and past tense.  Should write all in past tense except for dialogues.
          
          2) There are grammatical errors.
          
          3)  Writing style need to improve.  It reads like some school project.
          
          4) You have the story but unable to bring out the tension and drama.
          
          5) Logic must be there.  Example, she has a syringe filled with powdered crank.  Can't inject powder!
          
          6) Sometimes try too hard to explain a situation and get long winded.
          
          Hope the above comments are useful.  Please read and comment on my story, Koron Wars.  Love to hear from all of you!
          
          - Bluesman

Bluesman

@SunnySideUpHayden   Hi Sunny Side, quite a few have asked me that question.  Well, I had to think of an alien race who are warlike and powerful.  Thus the name Koron came up.
          
          I've just refined some text and uploaded Chapter 2 for your reading pleasure.  I'll check out your Bloody Betrayal and get back to you with my comments.
          
          Cheers!  Bluesman