Maxwell_Yoso

oh and today i THINK i had my first panic attack?? or an episode of some sort idk. i was just going thru the room being suspicious and all and then i started becoming more frantic and erratic and panicky ig. i started to hyperventilate and going thru everything really quickly as if i was in danger (i wasnt but for reference of how intense it was) and i felt like i was about to break down and wtvr all while barely thinking straight. i was making random sounds too? i think they were stress tics tho. super odd experiance and it ended in sL@ShiNG my leg with a blunted out R@z00r until i calmed down.

Maxwell_Yoso

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I LEFT MY BOOK AT HOME. I LEFT IT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH NO OH FUCK NO NO NO MY MUM IS GOING THRU MY ROOM TOMOROW/TODAY AND I FORGOT THE BOOK THERE AND FORGOT TO TAKE IT WITH ME TO MY DADS WHAT IF SHE LOOKS THRU THE BOOK AND SEES WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE MY HEAD ID HAVE TO ACT !QUICK! AND I MIGHT NEED TO PUT SOME MESSAGE ON THE FRONT SO IT DETERS MY MUM. OH GOD THIS IS REALLY BAD
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Maxwell_Yoso

i felt faint too and i kicked the side of my wardrobe kinda desperate to get the emotion and energy out of me (before the SH)
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Maxwell_Yoso

bro my sleep schedule is GONE LMFAO.  I went to bed at 4am and woke up at 11 and then went to bed at 6am- got up at 12, then 7am - 12, then 4am - 12:30, then 6am - 11, then 7am - 11:30 with constant naps thruout the day and then i did an all nighter last night and i might do another tbh. school is in 3 days (basically 2 now) so i better sort it quickly lol.

Maxwell_Yoso

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I HATE MYSELF SO FUCKING MUCH I WANNA RIP MY SKIN OFF MY BODY AND HIT MYSELF SO HARD AND IM STARVING MYSELF TO HAVING >200 CALORIES A DAY AND I HATE MYSELF AND EVERYTHING I HATE IT SO MUCH NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKES ME I KNOW THEY ALL HATE ME IN NOT STUPID I CAN TELL THEY HATE ME I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH BECAUSE THERE ISNT AN IDEAL LOOK AND PERSONALITY I HAVE SO I HAVE NOTHING TO HELP ME CHANGE AND IM STUCK IN SUCK A SHITTY MINDSET IM HEARING SHIT THATS NOT THERE AND IM SEEING THINGS THAT ARENT REAL I KNOW NO ONE IS REAL AND ARE ALL IMPOSTERS I CAN SEE THRU IT ALL IM NOT STUPID NO ONE IS GENUINE NOT A SINGLE PERSON IS REAL THIS WHOLE WORD IS A FAKE TO FOOL ME I KNOW IT I KNOW IT SO MUCH IM TOO AWARE I KNOW WHOEVER MAKES MY FOOD IS POISONING IT I KNOW EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYHTING I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH EVERYTHING IS SO UNCONFORTABLE IM SO GROSS I WANT TO KMS AND RIP OFF ALL MY SKIN AND PUNCH MYSELF AND DESTORY EVERYTHING I HATE MY WEIGHT I HATE HOW FAT I AM I HATE MY FACE AND MY HAIR AND HOW I KNOW THE TRUTH