Bradley, you have potential to be a very great writer! Your plot development skills are great, but just work on your sentence structure a bit more! Specifically when it comes to the characters conversing to each other. You're doing well so far though, so just work on those minor revisions, and you'll be good to go! I'm a new writer on here as well, and I'd appreciate it if you'd check out my book as well, and give me feedback!