I’m reading this book and the main character just jumped off a roof.. I really shouldn’t be reading this in the headspace I’m in. I feel so empty and simply moving my hands take so much energy, and honestly none of my friends care about me, my mum has told me to end it before, my sister said I was just being attention seeking, and all my brother does is hurt me, whether it be physically or mentally, and my dad is never home.
The only reason I’m still here is because of my cat, but even then, I’m not even remotely near him, half a country away, and tomorrow I’m going skiing…gosh this feel so attention seeking…my sister is right, I’m just guilt tripping my friends…it just really feels like nobody is here for me.
my best friend told me I’d be doing the world a favor if I ended it, and my other friend agreed. I don’t want to bother my other three friends, and they don’t want to be bothered
sorry for totally trauma dumping, but I really don’t know what else to do, and I just need to put it somewhere.
My mental health has been rapidly declining the past few months(hence the cancellation of POTS) and I barely know what to do with myself nowadays, and everything just seems to be affecting me negatively, and I keep pretending I’m fine so nobody notices, and it’s working, no one sees the real me, but I keep bottling everything inside to the point where my emotions are overflowing, leaving me with none to spare, leaving me with no voice and concerned friends. They keep asking why I’m not talking, or why I’m sad, and I keep telling them I’m zoning out, but it only works for so long. The excuses are running out, and getting out of bed every morning is becoming more and more of a task. My coping mechanisms are only going to work for so long, and I just feel so helpless, and I hate it, so gosh dang much.
It’s been a while since I’ve reached the character count…
