I'm Ariel Josephine, and I'm normal. Ha, okay that was a lie—chortle, chortle, chortle. Yes, that was just an excuse to use the word 'chortle'. Anyways, I love forks and Harry Potter and boys with brown hair. My favourite feature is the freckle on my left boob. I like grey shirts. I love manatees. My favourite word is voluptuous. I like Tumblr. My aspiration is to crush the patriarchy using only my big toes. My current guilty pleasure is green-and-white polka dots. I love Miley Cyrus, cause she's a right skank (long live skanks). Sometimes, I grab my boobs, just because I can. My favourite bra sometimes makes my boobs feel smushed, and then I don't like it so much. I like to talk about my boobs. People get slightly uncomfortable when I talk about my boobs. Boobs. I shower naked. I once had a dream that I dated an elephant. He was very sweet and liked it when I brought him oranges. I love the smell of laundry detergent. I tried eating it once. It burnt my tongue. I write 'smelt' instead of 'smelled' cause it looks prettier. Y is my least favourite letter. I'm pansexual but only you guys know that, so sh. English would be so much more fun if we still said 'thy' and 'thou' and 'doth'. I hate pink lipstick. Striped pants make me happy. I had freckle-worthy red hair, but I dyed it dark red because it didn't go with anything. If Dumbledore and Lupita Nyong'o had a baby, and that baby had a baby with Kate Nash, and it happened to be my age, I would date that shit.

Had enough? Chortle. Of course you have. Now go read books. Buy Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and copy it down onto a napkin (did I mention I have an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter?). Eat some salt. Stub your toe. Sneeze a couple times. LIVE YOUR LIFE (and make sure you wear funny hats while doing so).
xx, Ariel Josephine