Shoto Todoroki

So, it's 3 in the morning and I'm crying. I woke up 2 hours ago after going to bed at like 10:30 but I'm crying because I found out a few days ago people I thought were my friends turned their backs on me and started talking behind my back. People I thought I was friends with. They said I was obsessed with one of my friends. I mean I had a crush on him for 4 months and then was done with it, I just talked about him because for one he was my friend and 2 we hung out. Another one I was friends with was talking about kicking me from their lunch table just to start drama. People I trusted and thought were my friends turned their backs on me. Not to mention the one I really trusted wrote a whole ass paragraph about how I'm a narcisst and only care about myself. I do not care about myself. I don't even think about myself when someone I care about it having a rough time. I'm just happy I have other friends that do care about my well being and do love my personality. They have also helped me be me again. I've only ever had like 3 breakdowns within the last 6 months when I would have a breakdown every other week with my old friends so with my new ones I've made a lot more progress. But it still doesn't change the fact that I'm heartbroken. 

Ok. So I'm writing a Goh from Pokemon Journey's whump oneshot for the funsies. I also love Goh but I looked at the word count and the time it takes to read it. Over 23 minutes to read it and I'm not even halfway done with it. That's the longest oneshot I've ever written and with it still being in the making it terrifies me. 

So my 19 year old mare has been limping for the past few days. Went out on Saturday and was really worried and went out yesterday to give her some medication and she's looking amazing. She doesn't have much of a limp anymore so that means I can get back on her soon but I told my mother and she didn't care which really hurt me. She knows I'm close with this horse but she didn't care. All she replied with was "oh now you come downstairs after I was calling your name." I was sleeping but I was also happy to tell her my horse is doing better. I always supported her and her horse. Why can't she do that with me and my horse? I'm just honestly so hurt right now to the point I'm on the verge of tears. 

When you think you aren't going to like a certain anime and then you watch it to see if you like it. That's me with Naruto. Bro. It's so good. And Kakashi. Like damn. His personality. I love it. And Sasuke and Itachi. I never thought I would like this anime. Now I'm obsessed.  

Hello

If any of you seen The Promised Neverland.... WHY DOES THE THEME SONG SLAP!!! LIKE COME ON!!! IVE MEMORIZED IT!!! ITS SO GOOD!!! And why did I think when I started watching TPN Emma was transgender because of her short hair but I love this anime but WHY DOES THE THEME SONG SLAP!!!

One thing I find sad is that in pictures the only reason you can tell if I'm happy in them is if I scrunch up my nose or if I'm with my friends otherwise I'm not happy when taking pictures. I find that sad. 

Thanks for the follow Internet bud!! 

One problem I have with my mother is that she discourages me. Instead of encouraging me she discourages me. So I told her that I was happy I passed health class in middle school and she tells me that my grades for all my classes aren't looking the greatest in which she tells me that I wont make it into colleges with C's and D's. But I'm trying so hard to get those grades up and she brought me down like that. She made me feel like I'm not trying hard enough. I've been so stressed out this year because of mom mentioning that we might've lost Evelyn(my baby sister) which put so much stress on me that my trauma resurfaced after 4 years along with my anxiety and depression. It all resurfaced and then she's telling me I'm not the perfect child and that Evelyn is and it really discourages me. Idk what to do anymore. 

You want to know what hurts more than getting a scraped knee? Your little sister telling you that you dont have anxiety even though you're diagnosed with it. My little sister and mom talked to each other and they decided to come to a conclusion that I dont have anxiety. Who said they could stop my diagnosis? My therapist can have a word with them and tell them that I do suffer with depression and anxiety. I hate my sister. She has no right to tell an anxious person this.