Thetean High Command

"Who... Who in their right mind puts a child as commander of a naval base!"
          
          "Huh..?" Argo looks up from his phone, slowly, skeptically.
          
          "Yeah, we don't do it because we're actually a good military that cares about NOT FUCKING DYING!"
          
          "Cardinal, what the fuck are you talking about."
          
          Landon smacks his hands on the counter, leaning over to listen, "Yeah Cardinal, what are you yapping about?"
          
          "Okay okay, I've been looking at a bunch of fics on like AO3 and Wattpad and shit because I'm bored on our sorties, and I keep seeing people write about child commanders. Like, you might as well not have a commander at this point if he can't give orders! It's just another episode of-"
          
          "The writer's poorly disguised fetish, yeah. Checks out."

Nice pfp

Uma Musume... Azur Lane... What's one thing they have in common?
          
          The main species is fully female. 
          
          Azur Lane doesn't elaborate, they just say "its all girls" and leave it at that. They leave open the possibility of shipboys but we all know it's never gonna happen. 
          
          Uma Musume EXPLICITLY goes out of its way to say there are NO horse boys, just horse girls. 
          
          Why am I complaining about this?
          
          Because I hate making self-inserts that sit on the sidelines. Argo, Cardinal, Gleaves, they all exist to properly interact with the enemies of Azur Lane. They sail, they fight, they argue, with the sirens, in battle. Being an Uma Musume trainer isn't all that boring, but you don't feel the thrill of a run, you can't really have a rivalry with an Uma as a trainer, and it kinda limits what I can do. 
          
          Why not make a female OC? 
          
          Lowk I just don't feel like it I just wrote all this because I like complaining.

Ring ring... 
          Ring ring... 
          Ring ring...
          Click.
          "Hello?"
          
          "Is this the president of Canadian Thetea?"
          
          The man froze with fear as the voice came through the line. It was a woman. As far as he knew, a very powerful one. And his enemy. But he mustn't show fear.
          
          "Yes, I believe you are The Empress?"
          
          Even over the phone, she could hear his fear, no matter how much he tried to hide it, and she smirked, not that the old man would know.
          
          "I'm calling you, regarding an offer."
          
          "What... kind?"
          
          "A peace offer."
          
          The president let out a breathless gasp and stared at the door in front of him. Peace? From the Sirens?
          
          "What... are your terms?"
          
          The Empress chuckled as she answered, "Simply, your land is of no use to us, so we will not attack it."
          
          "And what do you want..."
          
          "Simple. When we overthrow the United States, complete and utter loyalty from your people. Don't worry, I'm not expecting it yet."
          
          The President stopped for a second, and thought. The Eagle Union hadn't been one to go down without some of the hardest fights in human history. There was a good chance they'd win the Siren War, but there was always a risk. It would be nice if they didn't have to keep repairing their cities. The Sirens had some extra advanced technology anyway that could help the economy, if they let Thetea use it. It's ultimately a win-win. 
          
          "Deal."
          
          "Alright then, I'll see you at the end of the war Mister President, tada~"
          
          With another click, he set the phone down in the rack, thinking about what he just did to his country.

I saw Azur Lane trading cards today

"So let me get this straight."
          Gleaves stands in a room with 5 boys and a girl. He points at the girl first.
          "You're Jamaica, the female Evangelion pilot."
          
          She nods.
          
          "Yep!"
          
          He points at the next one, a catboy with long red hair in a braid.
          "You're the clone Sazanami, right?"
          
          The tiny boy nods. Gleaves looks at the next one, almost the same as the clone, but with brown hair and no ears. Plus a bit darker skin.
          
          "And you're the rally driver Sazanami?"
          
          He nods in the same fashion as his eva pilot counterpart. Gleaves looks at the next Jamaica.
          
          "Just generic whatever roleplay Jamaica right?"
          
          "Yeah, more or less."
          
          Turning to the last two he points at both of them.
          
          "And one of you are the Eva pilot and the other is the F1, slash WEC, slash NASCAR one."
          
          The boys nod in unison, much more lively than their Sazanami counterparts.

"Author is a lazy bum, didn't even announce his birthday this year."
          
          "You think he's ever gonna write again?"
          
          "Probably not."
          
          "Probably is still better than no."

"Jamaica Satsuki, is also out in Q1."
          
          Jamaica shook his head as he watched the display on his wheel update with 18th place. That was his last chance in qualifying, oh well. 
          
          "The race will be on wet tires, wet tires."
          
          "Wets? Wh- aw man."
          He leans his head back against the seat, staring up at the bright blue sky. It was all clear, shame the race wouldn't be.

"Here we are in Shanghai for the Chinese Grand Prix. First row of the grid is Lewis Hamilton and..."
          
          Jamaica sat in his Williams, tapping the edge of the steering wheel as his race engineer walked off. The race was about to start. Luckily, he started 19th instead of 22nd as usual. Maldonado qualified 13th though...
          
          "Radio check."
          
          He pressed a button on his wheel and responded.
          
          "Loud and clear, why though? The radio was just fine this morning?"
          
          "You looked a little tense buddy. Look, just get those divebombs and we'll be fine."
          
          He glanced at the Williams section of the pit wall, his crew chief giving him a reassuring thumbs up.
          Then the first light lit. 
          Then the second.
          Third, fourth, and fifth.
          Waiting for the lights felt like an eternity.
          
          "The lights are out and away we go! There's Alonso into second, Hamilton around the outside, Nico Rosberg trying to shuffle himself on the inside, get that outside line for turn two. Lots of movement in the middle of the pack, Satsuki who got dropped from 19th to 21st on the start leaps into 13th! He's ahead of his teammate now, as to be expected from the rookie this race. It's bloody amazing how he manages to find these little gaps no one else can and exploit them at the start. The leaders have settled into a rythym but Perez, Button, and Gutiérrez are three wide into turn four, THROUGH GOES SATSUKI INTO 10TH PLACE! ANOTHER BRILLIANT DIVEBOMB FROM THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR!"

"All that I've suffered, all that I've been through. I've served this earth for LONGER THAN YOU'VE LIVED! And I ask for 5 days of vacation time, and I get COURT MARTIALED for BETRAYING THE FEDERATION!?"
          Argo slams his fist on the Admiral's desk, the various items jumping, and his coffee being spilled. 
          
          "Look Argo, I understand that you're frustr-"
          
          Argo's voice falls to a whisper as he bends over the desk and stares into the Admiral's eyes with the anger of a thousand suns.
          "You understand? You think you can understand the centuries I've dedicated to this planet, and it's people, Admiral? You really think you can understand."
          He jabs a finger at his chest, making him roll back a little in his office chair. 
          
          Then he stands, rolling his eyes and turning away to make haste towards the door. His coat swishing behind him, he walks off mumbling something about politics.