Hey lovelies...
I’m writing this through tears right now because honestly, my heart is completely shattered and I just need a safe place where I won't be judged.
This morning started with a tiny glint of hope. The doctor told my mom that my surgery (OT) was finally happening tomorrow. But within hours, everything fell apart. Because of my history with seizures, the anesthesiologist stepped in and insisted I need an EEG first. They still put me on the schedule just in case, so the junior doctors came in to prepare me.
If you know me, you know my physical pain tolerance is incredibly low. They inserted a massive IV cannula into my hand, and it hurt like absolute hell. Then the nurse gave me a tetanus shot and another injection. I was sitting there weeping from the sheer pain of it, but I tried to bear it because I thought it meant I was finally getting fixed.
Just twenty minutes later... another doctor walked in and casually announced that tomorrow’s OT is cancelled. Then they pulled the huge IV needle right back out of my hand. All that excruciating pain, all that mental preparation, just to be undone in seconds.
I am sobbing in this government hospital bed right now, and I feel utterly worthless. The healthcare system here feels like a nightmare; it feels like they treat patients like we are less than human. I want to leave so badly, but I can't even show this pain to my mom. She already works and earns everything for our family, while my father is basically just a guest in our house who only covers basic bills. I can't bear to add to her burden.
I hate my life right now. It feels like God always selects me to bear the heaviest pain, and I don't know why this always happens to me. I just want a normal life. Thank you for being the one platform where I can pour out my soul when everything else feels like hell. I love you all.
