I have some feed back on our version of events. I read it and i have to admit it is a unique story with lots of ideas,but like one of the comments below me i think you should polish your grammar a little bit. Also i personally think that mabye you should add some more details. This might just be me, but when i am reading a story i see it as a movie in my head, and with yours (not trying at all to be rude) it is a little hard for me to imagine. So what i like to do is remember the 5 w's who. when, why, what, and where, so next time you are writing OVOE try to work these in some where. Jist remember to keep it up girl let that imagination flow!
