@hannah_zamri1509 I think it will make a good story, mit looks interesting so far...
I also saw the character names & there's about 7 characters there, I would however suggest that you keep mainly to the main character most of the times so that it doesn't divert attention (like how the first part is written, no other characters interfering). the other characters can keep popping in every now and then but don't make them appear too much, but don't kill them completely. You know, like let them not be in each & every chapter, or even if they are the story shouldn't focus on them, the main concern are the main characters. Okay I think I'm rambling now, so I hope this is okay :)