i care for you

merry christmas, anaya.
          
          although you don't find christmas special anymore,,,
          you will always be the best gift, lovely
          
          i love you,
          more than you'll ever know
          
          -| 122518 |-

christmas eve...
          
          it's just one day away, and then bam! my months of writing on this account will be given to you in hopes you smile.
          
          one day... just one. many things have happened... but i still care about you. i still love you, regardless of the past, and regardless of the possibilities in the future. every moment together we shared is something... that just overwhelms my heart with different emotions and memories. every stupid little diary entry you posted made me giggle and smile. every time you'd tell a small story on your mb would leave me more interested in you. nothing has changed for me, my emotions havent wavered, although at times i questioned them. yes, i was given more pain than expected, but my love for you will always be much more than that.
          
          i know it hurts a lot, lovely... i know...
          but, it'll be okay. i know it just seems like all of what i'm writing is from somebody in the past who left,,, but i care about you. regardless if it's your first time reading this or your twentieth time, i still care about you, i still think about you everyday, i still hope you're smiling, and i will always still love you with all of my heart. nothing on earth could ever possibly change that.
          
          you're okay, anaya...
          you'll be okay. you've done more than okay.
          
          it's okay...
          breathe for me, and just smile and remember the good times.
          it's always okay to cry and vent, i wont ever judge you for that, my lovely rose. you're beautiful, regardless if you're being a precious pure daisy, or a deep red rose... you'll always be beautiful to me, no matter how much anything tries to alter that.
          
          i love you, merry christmas, my love. merry christmas, my rose. merry christmas, my kalon...
          
          merry christmas, anaya.
          i love you, and you're the greatest gift this year, or my entire lifetime, could have ever given me.

i hope you're feeling okay,,,
          although you might not see this on christmas, i'm not discouraged at all. you may be gone for now, but one day you'll get to see this, and i hope it makes you,,,, emotional?
          
          because yeah,,, i love you
          
          you've made yourself a promise, and i won't come back to beg you to stay and break something important to you. i support you, and i always will because you're beautiful amd incredible, although difficult at times i must say ._.
          
          it's okay i'm more difficult i'm sure lol
          
          eEeeEee you fUcking make me so happy, really. hMPF JUST LOOK AT HOW CUTE YOU ARE, AND I CAN SEE IT. I CAN SEE IT EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE NOT HERE.
          
          i can see you crying, and me making silly jokes to make you crack up and giggle a bit as you try to wipe away the tears and sniffle. eventually you'd just hug me and smile while also using my shirt as a tissue for your tears lol.
          
          HUG HUG LOVE LOVE MWAH MWAH MWAHHHHHHHHHH
          UWUWUWUWUUUUU ILYSM
          
          oKay i should go now uwu
          
          anyways,,, 
          bye bye... lovely
          
          -| 122318 |-

although i left, i'll still write here until christmas comes, 
          and then i'll delete this shitty app lol
          
          ehhh a while back i honestly believed by christmas we'd both be happier than ever before, but shit only gets worse. for a while, once i realized christmas was going to be painful, i moved my goal ahead to summer. 
          
          summer is when we'd be happiest.
          honestly i can't believe how far things have gone downhill.
          
          but,,, it's okay, right?
          as long as you're happy, nothing else matters.
          
          honestly, it's extremely painful, but i think about you being happy,, and everything just becomes worth it. back when you were happier, i can't tell you how amazing it was. when you were happy, i was happier too...
          
          god... you're just so beautiful when you smile, along with your silly comments and keyboard spams. you're so silly and cute, and thinking about you being happy to this day still brings a warm smile to my face.
          
          pain comes for a reason, right? afterall... what is love without pain?
          
          you'll be okay... alright beanie? don't think of me as something you feel guilty about,,, i want my memory to be good. i want you to smile when you think of me.
          
          i love you lots, and i still don't want to leave your side... but i think you'll grow better without me. i slow you down, and make everything sadder or something, and that's not what my purpose being around you is supposed to be.
          
          i love you sjdhdjd
          drink lots of egg nog for me :o
          
          -| 122218 |-

i hope you're feeling okay today sjshsj
          you've been on break, and i'm sure it's because you're struggling with something atm.
          
          but it's okay.
          
          i won't bother you about it, 
          because it's your problem to deal with
          
          just know i believe in you, my beanie uwu
          
          thank you for being incredible.
          i love you, and don't misunderstand...
          
          i may hold some stupid small crush for you, but you're very much still my friend. i love you as someone i care for, nothing more or less... okay? so don't feel like i'm completely whipped for you or something, it's just a small crush, amd we're only friends
          
          okay sorry i just felt like i needed to explain that sksbjs
          
          bYE-
          
          -| 122118 |-

one more day and my ass is finally on fucking break.
          
          sMh tomorrow we're also let out early and i just jsbdjdhd
          we also are having this talent show and my friend mari is gonna be singing and that's literally the only thing i'm hyped for.
          
          if your break already started or something, i hope you're enjoying it :o lMAO WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING dkdhsj when you read this you're gonna be on break anyways s m h
          
          oKAY SO TODAY I GOT TO EAT FUCKING SUGAR COOKIES THOUGH AND I HAD THE BACKYARDIGAINS THEME STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I ENDED UP SCREAMING THE LYRICS IN THE HALLWAY WHILE GOING TO CLASSSSSS DJDHDJDHJD
          
          lmao wow you're sTuck with an annoying crackhead
          
          bUT I HOPE YOU SMILED ON THE DAY I WROTE THIS AND I HOPE YOU'RE SMILING RIGHT NOW MWAH MWAH MY BEAUTIFUL BABY MY BEAUTIFUL ROSSSEEEEEEE
          
          okay skeetdoodle skitdaddle
          i gotta paddle¿?
          
          see ya, lovely
          
          -| 122018 |-

kaaalon~
          
          i hope you did okay on any tests you might have had today!!
          
          stay safe for me alright? try not to get hurt any time soon, or at all. i can't be there to protect you for now, so please keep your guard a little bit up for me...
          
          when i can finally see you in person with my eyes, i will watch over you if you need me too, and i would never let anyone lay a finger on your beautiful body.
          
          please, smile for me okay? uwu
          
          i love you, my beauty!!!

i miss you, even though it's only been one day
          
          hopefully you're back by christmas so i can give you this account on time, but if you need to rest past that,,, it's okay, i understand
          
          i love you kalon, i hope youre happier than ever and feel like the most special girl on earth, because you are.
          
          i'll wait for you to come back, and i'll make sure to always tell you goodnight and good morning, because i still want to show i care, regardless if you don't see it until you come back.
          
          please remember you're the world to me, and someone cares about you more than you'll ever know.
          
          it doesn't matter what happens, i still care for you, and i'll do my best to know you're as happiest as i could possibly make you.
          
          i love you, i really really do.
          
          thank you for being so amazing every second you breathe. thank you for dealing with me when i'm so shitty. thank you for helping me as much as you do. thank you for telling me you care. thank you for reminding me i make you happy. thank you for taking care of me and helping me with my insecurities.
          
          mostly, thank you for loving me,,,
          because i'll always do my best to love you right back.
          
          for you,
          1000 times over, my kalon.
          
          -| 121818 |-

sadly, i feel like shit.
          
          you're enough, if you didn't know this now, i hope in the future when you read this you now know.
          
          ahhh,,,, what a small love i hold for you,
          but of course, i'm not going to bother you with it.
          
          just simple butterflies and pink cheeks isn't worth making you uncomfortable about.
          
          i just hope you get to smile and be happy.
          
          i care for you,,,
          so please keep smiling, because it shows me... 
          you're still here to be happy
          
          thank you for everything, okay?

is it bad i'm starting to love you so quickly again.
          
          fuck-
          you're beautiful...
          
          i want to kiss you and hold you close to me,,,
          but i'm aware you're not ready for that. i kinda don't think i'm ready a little bit, honestly.
          
          hUFF
          BUT ALL OF OUR CONVOS NOW ARE SO FLIRTY AND I FUCKING BLUSH SO MUCH OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO CUTE SJDHJSHD
          
          EEEEE i love you ._.
          
          
          WHEN YOU'RE READING THIS YOU BETTER BE SMILING DAMMIT THIS IS EMBARRASSING AND I'M ONPY TALKING ABOUT IT SO YOU CAN SMILLEEEEEE HNNNG I'M F L U S T E R E D
          
          but just the way you get all... pouty(?) when you argue with me over whether you're cute, WHICH YOU ARE, just makes me kick my feet and giggle and smile oh my godkfhjdhsjdgd
          
          ANYWAYS
          
          EAT WELL BBY I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD CHRISTMAS LOVELYYYYYY UWUWUWUWU
          
          -| 121618 |-