Alright, this is my criticism for your Prologue you asked me to edit. Let me start with some good criticism. You have a knack for writing, and you are very talented. You do a well job of description, and you can create an image in your readers' minds. However, there are some things you need to work on. To begin, please make sure you vary your commas well. You use commas quite excessively, and you will put a commas in the place of a semi-colon. Make sure you use semi colon in your longer pauses. Also the sentence beginning with "The rider becoming fatigued..," needs to be shorter. Make sure you have no run-on sentences. A good idea would be to read the story aloud and pause where you find your commas. Once you do so, you'll realize there are commas in places where they shouldn't be, and places where they should be. Another pointer is make sure you vary the sentence starters. You use "the rider" quite a bit, so try to change up your sentence or beginner. You will have more sentence fluency this way. If you were to begin your sentences with "the rider" most of the time, your reader may think that your story sounds choppy. Reading it aloud would help with that too. Last'y, do not end the prologue with "..." i know it gives a more mysterious feel to it, however, you would not add that if you were really publishing this novel. So stay away from doing that.
Thank you for letting me give you advice on your story and I would be glad to help you on another work of yours again.
-CuPcAkEsAndBuBbLeZ!!!!! (//.^)
