Mom: "Why aren't there any speed bumps through here?"
Me: "Um, that's clearly what those kids running around are for."

Hello, you potential stranger danger you. Welcome to the dark, depraved writings of my soul. Would you like a drink? Tea, maybe? Or perhaps any snacks? I make a mean cheesecake! 

As you can see I have a very..twisted sense of humor. If this offends you, please, for the love of all things holy, turn back right now. For those of you brave enough to soldier through, I have only one thing to say to you..wanna be fwiends?