Can someone just take away my ability to feel? I am so tired of feeling everything. Of feeling the disappointment of people when I don't do something, or when I just get angry or sad. I don't want that burden anymore. I just want to be able to sleep and make my family proud. I want them to love me. I need the to understand that I'm sorry and I don't mean to mess everything up, and that I am trying, even if I say that a lot. I want them to know that I love them, and I just want them to be happy. But I might not be able to do that all the time. I'm just so sorry that I can't express myself without sounding rude or getting angry. It's not your fault. It's just how I am now. I don't want to be, but I don't know how to stop. I've been trying since I was twelve years old to be better, to make you all proud, but it never worked. You all deserve someone who can do better for you and make you happy and proud. I can't do that and I'm sorry. You don't need this burden that I put on you. And I'm sorry to my aunt M for saying one thing and not doing it. I'm sorry and I can't say that enough. I just don't know how to do it anymore. I don't know how to do anything anymore and I'm scared. I'm so sorry.