Captain29thegamer

          ⚡️🚨 OPRAH DONE GOT DRUNK, STOLE ZEUS’ CREDIT CARD & STARTED PASSING OUT LIGHTNING LIKE FREE SHIT AT A GRAND OPENING 🚨⚡️
          
          These little electro bastards are barely big enough to cover a Walmart parking lot, but somehow got the electrical budget of a damn supervillain. 
          
          YOU GET A BOLT! ⚡️
          YOUR BOAT GETS A BOLT! ⚡️
          YOUR NEIGHBOR’S SHED GETS A BOLT! ⚡️
          THAT ONE MF OUTSIDE SAYING “IT AIN’T EVEN RAINING HERE” GETS TWO! ⚡️⚡️
          
          THE WEATHER Radar looking like somebody spilled Mountain Dew and bad decisions across the Gulf Coast while these thunder nuggets are outside clapping the atmosphere’s ass cheeks together. 
          
          Small storms.
          BIG 🍆 ELECTRICITY. ⚡️
          
          These ain’t thunderstorms. They’re sky mounted fuckaroundifiers with anger issues.
          
          Get your ass inside when thunder starts talking. Lightning does NOT need an invitation, an address, or your permission to electrify your meat suit.😂
          
          WELCOME TO THE GULF COAST: WHERE EVEN THE BABY STORMS COME WITH A DAMN TASER.

          🚨🔥 FALL, QUIT PLAYING WITH YOUR PUMPKINS AND COME GET THIS HOT BISH🔥🚨
          
          Current heat index said “COOLER WEATHER? NEVER HEARD OF THAT BITCH.” 😭🥵
          
          We got 105… 107… 109… even 112° sprinkled around this map like Satan grabbed the seasoning shaker and yelled “PUT SOME EXTRA HELL ON THAT SHIT.”
          
          This ain’t humidity anymore. This is Humidititties: Felony Edition Walk outside and your whole body gets slapped with Swamp Sack Supreme, Underboob Broth, and a fresh case of Assphalt Melt Syndrome before you even make it to the damn car.
          
          At this point I don’t want fall decorations, pumpkin spice, hoodies, or a decorative gourd. I JUST WANT THE AIR TO QUIT TOUCHING ME. 😭
          
          COOLER WEATHER NEEDS TO HURRY THE F#%K UP BEFORE THE ENTIRE SOUTH BECOMES A FAMILY SIZE ROTISSERIE CHICKEN. 🍗
          
          September, get your hot funky ass together. WE TIRED. 😩🤣
          
          

          🚨 SEPTEMBER 16 SAID “PUT BOTH COASTS ON THE DAMN GROUP CHAT” 😭🌀
          
          WHAT IN THE DOUBLE BARRELED SWIRL F#%KERY IS THE EURO COOKING?! 
          
          The EURO rolled into September 16 with TWO big ass purple blobs sitting offshore like the Atlantic and Gulf decided to coordinate outfits for Tropical Thiccness Awareness Month.
          
          One is posted up in the Gulf looking moisturized, organized, and entirely too damn comfortable near the northern Gulf Coast.
          
          Meanwhile the Atlantic has another purple cyclonussy shaped question mark lurking offshore like, “Y’all talking shit over there without me?” 
          Now before somebody runs into Walmart and body slams the toilet paper display, CALM YOUR TROPIC TITTIES. 🧻💀
          
          This is a LONG RANGE EURO MODEL RUN, not a forecast, not a hurricane track, not a guarantee, and damn sure not permission for Aunt Brenda to announce that “THE BIG ONE IS COMING” because her left knee started pulsating during Wheel of Fortune.
          
          But BABYYYYY… 👀
          September apparently looked at the calendar and said Hurricane season been too damn quiet. Somebody jiggle the atmosphere.”
          
          And the atmosphere said BET.
          
          We watch. We wait. We compare future runs and ensembles. We do NOT start naming purple blobs, evacuating the cat, or purchasing 63 gallons of gasoline because one computer model woke up with TROPICAL VIAGRA IN ITS HARD DRIVE.🌀
          
          September 16 is a LONG damn way out.
          But this map? THIS MAP GOT SOME HOE-LY SHIT ENERGY. 💀🌀
          
          Stay Petty. Stay watching the weather. And LEAVE THE DAMN TOILET PAPER ALONE.

          😂 EVERYTHING REALLY IS BIGGER IN TEXAS… UNLESS A MAN MEASURED IT HIMSELF. 📏👀
          
          Y’all weren’t lying about Texas doing everything BIG. In ONE damn day we got Tropical Storm Edouard throwing a Gulf tantrum AND a 3.6 earthquake giving the ground a lil’ YeeHawWobble
          
          Texas woke up and apparently selected the Natural Disaster Sampler Platter . Sky swirling, ground shaking, Gulf acting disrespectful. Hell, at this rate somebody better check the Buc-ee’s parking lot and make sure a volcano ain’t filling up at pump 37. 😂
          
          I officially agree: EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS.
          
          Well… almost everything.
          
          Because if a man is the one doing the measuring, we’re gonna need independent verification, two witnesses, and a ruler that DIDN’T come from Temu. 😭😂 Sir, quit measuring from the taint and calling it Texas sized.
          
          All jokes aside, weather can change quickly around tropical systems, so keep up with official updates and don’t let the Texas sized chaos buffet distract you from staying weather aware. 🌪️🫨🌧️ 

          🚨 WHOEVER DECLARED HURRICANE SEASON DEAD, COME OUTSIDE… SEPTEMBER WOULD LIKE A F#%CKING WORD 🌀👀
          
          WHO was that loudass, confidence drunk meteorological meatball hollering, “Welp, hurricane season is basically over” because the Atlantic got quiet for five damn minutes?! 😂
          
          BABY, SEPTEMBER JUST WALKED IN, SLAMMED HER PURSE ON THE COUNTER, TOOK HER HOOP EARRINGS OFF AND SAID “WHO TF SAID MY NAME?”
          
          Now the tropics got TWO WHOLE WEEKS OF RED CIRCLES sitting out there looking like the Atlantic done caught a case of TropicThrob Syndrome™.
          
          Week 2: 👀
          Week 3: 👀👀
          Everybody who declared hurricane season dead: suddenly deleting posts and changing occupations. 😂
          
          And before somebody starts panic buying 73 cases of water and fighting MawMaw over the last loaf of bread, THIS DOES NOT MEAN A HURRICANE IS COMING TO THE GULF COAST. These are broad areas where conditions could favor tropical cyclone formation. That’s it.
          
          But “hurricane season is over”???
          
          BITCH, THE ATLANTIC AIN’T EVEN PUT HER BRA BACK ON YET.
          
          September is historically prime-time territory, so keep one eyeball on the tropics and the other on that cousin who gets all their hurricane information from somebody named StormDaddy69 on TikTok.
          
          THE FAT LADY AIN’T SANG. SHE’S STILL BACKSTAGE MOISTURIZING HER VOCAL CORDS. 😭😂
          
          

          I’m going to bed now and tomorrow I’m going to make my breakfast Pour my coffee then drink it and then I’m gonna check my phone for happy birthday messages and if I swear to God if I see one more major celebrity death I’m going to be sincerely pissed!!! 😡 and call I.M.P i’ll ask for Moxxie!

I was never a country music fan, but I will always be a Dolly fan. 💖 She showed us how to be strong, do what we love, and never apologize for being exactly who we are. I hope to always carry a little of her courage—to live fully, love deeply, and proudly shine in all my pink, glitter, rhinestones, makeup, and nails. Thank you for showing women like me that we never have to dim our sparkle. ✨🥹

          Hi Pokopian Builders, Share your thoughts about the new DLC. Things ya like and things to improve. I will read them all.
          
          Happy gaming ❤️

          We've all heard the story of some closed minded numbnut saying "LGBTQIA+ themes should not be introduced to kids". Well, if you look at some past kid's cartoons like the Lion King and Darkwing Duck, there are some instances where two grown male characters take care of a kid character like they were fathers.
          
          In a sense, what makes Timon and Pumbaa taking care of Simba or Darkwing Duck and at times, Launchpad McQuack taking care of Gosalyn Mallard, any different from Harold and Howard McBride being Clyde's dads from the Loud House or Gilbert and Harvey Park being dads of Willow Park from the Owl House?
          
          Happy Pride Month, Owl House fans.

          "Pokopia is a peaceful pokemon game where-"
          
          Me: "wake the FUCK up Torchic I need more damn BRICKS!”