CarsonLedger

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New book up that I'll probably take down as soon as I get in contacts with a publisher or get a reliable printer to do it myself..(The one I have is connected to my neighbors wi-fi and customer support wont help me, they just keep saying "oh get the latest model" fucking canon..)
          	It's called within the moment.
          	All of the stories are actually short. 
          	the longest story is 1650 or so words.
          	It also has my award winning (technically) story "Your loss"
          	go read it.
          	https://www.wattpad.com/story/340358990-within-the-moment-and-other-short-stories-and

CarsonLedger

this message may be offensive 
New book up that I'll probably take down as soon as I get in contacts with a publisher or get a reliable printer to do it myself..(The one I have is connected to my neighbors wi-fi and customer support wont help me, they just keep saying "oh get the latest model" fucking canon..)
          It's called within the moment.
          All of the stories are actually short. 
          the longest story is 1650 or so words.
          It also has my award winning (technically) story "Your loss"
          go read it.
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/340358990-within-the-moment-and-other-short-stories-and

CarsonLedger

Okay so some good news and one bad news. At the moment, I  may be graduating from highschool with a GED. Yes yes i know, a GED isn't as prestigious as a highschool diploma but it was either that or I drop out because school is just killing me. I've scored high in the mock tests (except in math still passable, but not as high as everything else) and I'm scheduled for testing at the end of the month and Feb 1st.  The best thing about the whole experience was I got called down by the principal and my councilor, they asked what I'd be doing with my life and I told them I'd be writing. Tossed my phone and they read the comics i've been sitting on and some Ideas that was on there. 
          It was the first time someone said they liked it, and when they saw me pass the mock tests they told e they're proud of me. That was also a first, sad as it may be. Still kinda moved to tears  a bit just thinking about it. Sure even if they didn't mean it, it was awesome to hear it. So I'm getting my GED and applying to a Film school or do it online. 
          The other good news is I've found a steady and better work load for my writing. I've lessened it significantly. I'm no longer going to be publishing Ghokre Byrne on here and instead put it in Blüd's "Part two" as the main story line. Insted I'll be replacing Badulf's story with another one,  something more "artsy" than nerdy.  
          The work load (in terms of writing) is now like this:
          Blüd (Manga workshop and Series outline) 
          Blüd (script writing)
          The Metal Man (Outline and scripting)
          Hand-Bridge The tale of sorrow (Wattpad book outline) 
          Wolf 1313 (Show scipt)
          KAZ (complete redo of outline and script)
          Night-Freak (Plot outline, Character outline, and script outline)
          and Finally, Speaking to yourself (movie script)
          Ofc I don't do all of these at once, usually I focus on two-three when I write. I don't like to force creativity bc It always turns out like crap so I only write when I feel like writing (which I usually do). 
          No bad news, I lied.

CarsonLedger

i'll be uploading my Web comic on this site and others, If I can get a website up it'll be even better. 
          "BLÜD" will hopefully be up by the end of March, the One-shot and official first arc  (or at least fist chapter(s) of the arc.) "The Haunted Swordsman." 
          BLÜD is the product of two nerdy men, Me (Carson Andrew Joseph Ledger) and my friend (Ethen Welsh) .  An Official Synopsis will be announced as soon as I have the first chapter drawn "The start." It's gonna be poorly drawn, it's gonna be poorly drawn, I'll say it again. IT'LL BE POORLY DRAWN! I suck at drawing despite practicing for an entire year, I want to try digital but bc my laptop sucks at even starting up and loading one line of text I'm gonna do the traditional way and just upload the pictures onto this site. 
          
          Another thing. Blüd is 18+ It's a Seinen and only intended for Adults to read it. I highly advise anyone under 18 to not read it. It contains sensitive and triggering content such as R*pe, Sexual acts, nudity, Extreme Violence, Extreme Gore, Profanity, Harassment of minors, Abuse of minors,  Abuse in general, Torture, Psychological torture, Psychological horror, and ( I can't stress this enough) extremely bleak. 
          I 100% assure anything and act in the story is 100000000% necessary to the story. I am only including these parts because they are integral to both the story and characters. I wouldn't include anything offensive or just terrible acts if it wasn't integral and needed for both story and character. Anytime nudity will be on there it'll be either censored or not (depending on whats happening)  
          welp thats that. hehe, oh well.

CarsonLedger

Happy New Years. At the time of writing its 12:25 AM where I'm at. I watched the countdown via Futurama I timed it perfectly.
          
          At the moment, I am watching/listening to a youtube video "The psychology of the Wounded Healer" by Eternalised. Why? Well I've been getting interested in Philosophy and in Myths. I just ordered a paper back copy of 3 philosophy books: Birth Of Tragedy: Out of the spirit of music (Friedrich Neiztsche),  Beyond Good & Evil: Prelude to the Philosophy of the Future (another Neiztsche), and The World as Will and Representation Vol 1 ( Arthur Schopenhauer). 
          Also a book called "The Castle" by Franz Kafka. 
          WHY? Welll the philosophy books are both for pure interest and though, as well as research for a theme for my Manga "Blüd" which is heavily inspired by Vagabond, Berserk, Vinland Saga, Junji Ito's Tomei and Uzumaki, And a lot of original ideas (i hope maybe they're all subconsciously inspired by modern myths and Cognitive perception of reality. I'm saying big smurt words to sound smart heh). 
          Kafka bc I liked Metamorphoses (not 177013...thats the saddest thing I've ever read).
          
          "BlüD" is a manga I've been working on for, I think, like 6 months now,  it takes stuff from Slavonic mythology/folklore using beast and one of the spirits giving name to the series. Our MC is named Gear, he's a cool guy, super traumatized, but cool. 
          I can hopefully guarantee that "BlüD" is a completely unique and down right bad-ass reading material. One thing I can guarantee is it has NO FILLER what so ever, I know thats something a lot of Mangakas can say about there work and I'm not alone in having no filler, but I'm happy I don't. If I did, i'd work in a beach episode for that Dark, traumatizing, ultimately hopeless, rage inducing, and character driven fantasy world called Blüd..
          
          Can I be called a mangaka without even releasing the one shot yet? idk..

CarsonLedger

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no essay just a bull shit update, 
          Idc what people put on here, I remember I used to say "The only thing On wattpad is smut, with the dumb Bad boy trope." 
          I'm sorry, I didn't see how I sounded like a goddamn Karen when I said that. 
          I got a fiver now. I promise you my stuff is different from what is written on this site. I got a lot better. In fact I think i'm make a book on here that isn't incredibly emo or some dumb story about my Cage Comic characters. Like a serious story, yippee. 
          Maybe in script format since I found a better passion writing scripts than terrible stories that should be in a equally terrible comic. 
          I no I said no essay, but oh well sue me I'm hitting the word limit again. 
          Maybe the story could be set in a world similar to berserk ( I just got done reading them, RIP Miura, Continue on that warpath. Last chapter  broke me literally..) .
          Or maybe Set in Night-City (Cyberpunk), bc lets be honest Cyberpunk Edge runners is god tier anime even for new comers. Anytime that one song comes on now makes me cry...
          OOOR maybe set in the real world and follows a writer slowly becoming more and more entranced in his fictional world to the point he wouldn't be able to differentiate from reality and fiction. 
          OOOOOOOOOR MAYBE I write some Hand-Bridge comic script. Can you put audio in Wattpad stories yet?  It would be so easy to set the mood for that comic with some sultry jazz or a lonely screeching Sax going back and forth and dipping and diving. 
          OOOOOOR I just write a one page script and see where it takes me, with no plan and no set ending. Sounds like fun.

CarsonLedger

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Ree. Since the school year started, I've still been lugging around my grandpa's obituary in my back pack.   Partly because I'm too lazy to take it out and I'm most certain the notebooks or something ripped it by pulling it down or something idk. 
          My book is getting published (once I raise the actual money..) and some one-shot comics are coming too. Just one off stories with characters that don't need a whole lot really.   I wrote a one-shot for the Artist (don't think she cares if I say her name or not, but don't wanna risk it) called "She's A looker" based on The Jins "She's a Looker" song...
          
          Other than that. I've been trying to keep my self busy to ignore some obvious stuff (Shut up, I know). Things got a little worse after giving up my road construction job in July and Mum made me sell the only thing I had left of my grandpa, the guitars he gave me. It doesn't sound traumatizing so I'm not gonna say it was, it did hurt though. A lot. Getting worse as things move into September, Working Part time doesn't really give you enough to pay the bills, especially since I'm supposed to assume responsibility for the electricity bill for some unknown reason even though she knows I don't make enough to even get close to pay that, especially with my shit hours at work. All this and school. Tough luck right?
          I'm not gonna be one to say I got it bad though, a lot of people are in my shoes, and a lot of people are in worse shoes. Way more people have no shoes..(I didn't mean for that to come out like that). Just saying a lot of people have it worse so what gives me the right to complain in a first world country right. 
          No one really reads these so I'm using them to (no)trauma dump. (I don't think I have trauma but A lot of suppressed feelings.)  
          I know I write an essay every time I go on this site , but who cares.

CarsonLedger

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Some people just happen to get the short end of the stick. Bad luck, really. But Luck's just an imaginary thing we have to explain the coincidences that happen in life. No one planned this shit out, it just happens. But it truly does get better. It always gets better. It doesn't mean the bad parts are completely gone because they don't exist, we just call them bad things because we would prefer them not to exist. What they truly are, are up to us. Our past choices aren't something we can leave up to bad luck or poor choices, its just us thinking what would be best. We're all just tying to do our best in a crazy coincidental world. 
            
            I'll shut up now. I just really wanted to get this off of my chest. While I feel like this isn't really the end of my pointless complaining (heh), I just feel relaxed now . Even if no one cares, or read this. I just feel relaxed. Like a huge chunk was lifted of a heavy stone on my chest.  I used like too much. Too many similes, oh well. Who cares.
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CarsonLedger

During his funeral I was holding back a lot. One of his friends gave a eulogy, one my mom said she would've asked me to do but she was worried I'd break down.  I would've. He read the eulogy and I learned more about him. How he was always down to help a man in need. How he used to sneak candy to me and my brother as a child past our bed time because he loved us. In my head I was thinking "great, more stuff to hold back." And looking back now, I'm ashamed I just kept counting the floor tiles to keep my mind off of the things happening around me.  They walked out, we were the last ones out and on the way out my dad hugged all of us tight. As if he thought he'd be next.  My mom and dad have been separated for some time now, and they didn't like each other. But they both broke down each others arms as if they were still married, and found each others shoulders again. And as He came in to hug me, I've became a master at holding things in. I just swallowed all those tears, smiled and said Bye Like I was hanging up a Phone. His grave stone was a beautiful one, he was buried.  The grave stone stood high among the others, like a pillar. After that we just went to Waffle House, Weird place I know but I was craving something from there, and they were too. 
            
            I'll stop talking now. After all, Who cares. First world problem. Well, death doesn't really care which world it's in. It just exists as a force of nature rather than a problem that can be solved. It's a looming shadow that stays around us, chained to our necks until we finally check out.  I'm not gonna continue what went wrong in my life, because a lot of things did. A lot of them are my fault, but it's things like this that just reaffirms that other forces are in work around us. Each of them just doing what its supposed to, it doesn't intend on hurting people, nor does it intend of helping people. They don't exist for us and we don't exist for them. We just exist. Nothing else.
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CarsonLedger

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I wouldn't say it made It worse not to see Joslyn at school, but it was something. Weird how in just one day, I lost a lot, right after being really happy. I bet she thought I was creepy, wouldn't put it past her I mean, if a random person walked up to me sat down and started talking to me I'd think he'd be a little weird. Oh well, shit happens. A lot of shit can happen. And it can weigh  a lot. I just started writing when I got back home. Just started to let my mind go places and explore stories instead of being "My grandpa died wahwahwah." You know like a healthy person would the day after a man dies . I didn't know what to do,  I just knew the five stages of grief because, crazy coincidence, I was working on a story where  a man's brother dies in war and he had to go after the man who killed him instead of properly mourning him. Would be even crazier if I went after the thing that killed my gramps. Can't remember it though, When Mom told us that night, and I listened from my room. I just heard a ringing in my ear blocking it out as I try to accept it. 
            I don't like to think I'm different, Like I'm someone who is going through something unique. I always trying to make myself feel the same as anyone else. I just tell my self "People die all the time. And those dead people have loved ones too. Your not unique. Stop thinking you are." And I just take it, when he died, I continued to think like that. I don't know if anyone else does this, and I don't know if I'm just repeating what literally everyone else tells everyone else. I just know what I know. And I only knew one moment that day he died, my life isn't one to cry about in the grand scheme. His was, he lived a full life. He was a veteran whose buddy pushed him out of a helicopter as it was going down so it would save his life. Who got married and had children, who became a mortician and helped those in need. He was literally the best at what he did, and he was someone to cry over.
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CarsonLedger

my grandpa died recently, March 30th to be exact. Since me and him bonded watching Wrestling I've decided to put most of my focus into pro-wrestling. I know that sounds weird but it's my passion and was my grandfathers favorite pass-time. I love, and miss him everyday. I carry his obituary around with me in my backpack everyday. Is that weird? I don't know or care. 
          
          ALSO My friend/comic book artist is getting her laptop back so we'll be doing Digital art for the D1g1t series. And promotional art should be coming soon, but I don't want to rush her. I'm also making a comic for her in return. it was called Space Octopus but now it's changed. Lets see how that goes. I'm making films soon too. First film should be called "American Fighter" It's about a boxer. The other one is "worship obsession." I'm doing my best work rn, and I wanna keep doing so.  Bye!