Casper Harden

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up. I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels. The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed. 

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication. The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother. The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach. The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started. -Meggie Royer

When tomorrow starts without me 
          And I’m not here to see 
          If the sun should rise and find your eyes 
          All filled with tears for me 
          I wish so much you wouldn’t cry 
          The way you did today 
          While thinking of the many things 
          We didn’t get to say 
          I know how much you love me 
          As much as I love you 
          And each time you think of me 
          I know you’ll miss me too 
          But when tomorrow starts without me 
          Please try to understand 
          That an angel came and called my name 
          And took me by the hand 
          And said my place was ready 
          In Heaven far above 
          And that I’d have to leave behind 
          All those I dearly love

But as I turned to walk away
          A tear fell from my eye
          For all my life I'd always thought 
          I didn't want to die
          I had so much to live for
          So much left yet to do
          It seemed almost impossible
          That i was leaving you
          I thought of all the yesterday's
          The good ones and the bad
          I thought of all the love we shared
          And all the fun we had
          If I could relive yesterday
          Just even for a while
          I'd say say goodbye and kiss you
          And maybe see you smile
          But then I fully realized
          This this could never be
          For emptiness and memories would take the place of me
          And when I thought of worldly things I might miss come tomorrow
          I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow
          But when I walked through Heaven’s gates
          I felt so much at home 
          When God looked down and smiled at me 
          From His great golden throne 
          He said this is eternity 
          And all I promised you 
          Today your life on earth has pasted
          But here it starts anew 
          I promise no tomorrow 
          For today will always last 
          And since each day’s the same
          There’s no longing for the past 
          You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true
          Though there were times you did some things
          You knew you shouldn't do
          But you have been forgiven 
          And now at last you're free
          So wont you come and take my hand and share my life with me?
          So when tomorrow starts without me 
          Don’t think we’re far apart 
          For every time you think of me 
          I’m right here in your heart. -David Romano 

I know you won't really care, but I think it's cool that you made a wattpad acc on my birthday
          
          Random fact-