JK

https://www.wattpad.com/story/302049050?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=MemoryAccount

You question if I’m human.
          Can’t you see my heartbeat becoming unsteady when your words hit me?
          That’s where I lied.
          That’s where I hid it.
          I pretended.
          Pretended not to feel.
          Pretended not to hurt.
          But does that make me less human?
          
          You question if I’m human.
          Can’t you see my chest tightening when you question my existence?
          That’s where I did it ---
          pretending again,
          pretending I’m fine,
          pretending your words don’t break me.
          But does that make me less human?
          
          You question if I’m human.
          Can’t you see how I struggle every second of my life not to make a mistake?
          And that’s where it happened ---
          I became something else.
          Not a person.
          But a thing made to fulfill your expectations.
          But does that make me less human?
          
          You question if I’m human.
          That’s where you succeeded.
          Now I’m questioning it too.
          
          I don’t know how it feels to breathe somewhere without suffocating.
          I don’t know how it feels to be imperfect like a normal human being.
          I don’t know how my life would look if I could be myself without judgmental eyes watching me.
          I don’t know how it feels to live for myself instead of living for everyone’s expectations.
          I don’t know how it feels to get a tattoo or wear a simple hat and just be a simple boy.
          I don’t know how it feels to not receive hate for things I never even thought of doing.
          I don’t know how it feels to not compete for the peak of love.
          
          Yes… you’re right.
          I’m questioning it too.
          
          Am I human?
          
          I used to convince myself that I was ---
          a human with beautiful dreams.
          
          But now I’m tired.
          
          Maybe…
          maybe I’m not human anymore.
          
          (For jk's emotional live. For his innocent tired tears.)
          
          ~chaarvi

Sometimes I feel tired.
          It's heavy, suffocating,
          whispering that I should stop. 
          
          But stop what? 
          
          Stop dreaming?
          Stop hoping?
          Stop believing that tomorrow could be warmer than today.? 
          
          I imagine a day that doesn’t suffocate me.
          
          A day where tiredness not lingered anymore
          and I feel new---alive
          
          A day where my heart beats steady,
          
          A day where happiness arrives 
          as I watch my dreams
          slowly come true. 
          
          Should I stop
          when that life still waits for me?
          That life that sounds
          like a peaceful rhythm,
          
          NO!!
          
          I am tired. 
          
          But I'm Still trying.
          Still hoping.
          And even with this tired soul 
          I believe
          in better days
          yet to come.
          
          
          ~chaarvi
          

I won't lie
          Not when even the air around me keep whispering the truth...
          
          I miss you.
          
          I miss the warmth of your breath. How it lingered too close to my skin.
          
          I miss your hands resting on my waist, as they knew it was the where they belongs.
          
          I miss your palms cupping my cheeks- claiming me.
          
          I miss the way your breath turned uneven when you struggled to calm yourself around me.
          
          I miss the words you murmured just to ground me.
          
          I miss your smirk you wore when you already  knew you'd win.
          
          I miss you- juat enough to make the wanting hurt!
          
          
          ~chaarvi