Charmingxlots s

Sometimes I feel bad sometimes I feel good 
          Sometimes I feel like living sometimes I feel like ending it 
          Sometimes I wonder which one of those will I get tommorow 

To be honest I don't even know if I like someone romantically or just friends because it's confusing 
          Whenever I have a crush I would just think maybe I have a chance but I know I will never have a chance and I will be lonely forever and ever until I found someone to be with but not fell in love I don't know
          I will just push away those people away 
          I don't know what I'm feeling everytime 

I wanna buy figurines but I spent all my money by spending it on my mum （┬┬＿┬┬）

That's it my life is over I'm gonna be lonely forever again 
          My friend confess to me but I don't know what to do 
          I'm feeling stressed thinking about it
          If I reject her I'm scared I might lose all my friends 
          And if I don't I'm gonna get in a relationship I don't wanna get in. Both bad choices same ending 

I had a friend come to my house to make a cake for my friends birthday next week 
          And we were talking and then we talked about crushes and I told her a certain boy I like online and how he's nice and calls me cute nicknames and she suddenly told me how she ships me and my friend (I mean it's probably because me and her calls each other wife and husbands for fun one time at the mall but we still kinda do that and at that same time we had two more friends who witnessed us calling each other wife and husband and I told her little brother and his friend to call me dad as a joke and one of em still calls me that) I mean I'm okay with it just I don't know how to feel after that 
          Conversation but don't worry I'm still friends with her and she's actually a pretty nice person don't worry she doesn't make me uncomfortable 

Okay but whenever someone tell me something private like what county your from, school, names and even Backnames I always have to tell them which what ever my private is even if I get uncomfortable I just don't want them to be alone but I'm scared that i might get doxxed 
          But I don't want people to just tell them I'm uncomfortable with them sharing personal stuff I'm scared they might think I'm rude 
          But I'm okay with people who are like that who are close to me and close what I meant is Super close but I won't turn that subject up unless they want to then I'm okay ig? 
          
          I have online friends in discord that I'm super close and trust with anything maybe one day I'll tell them my address lol
          So that what she meant how I'm naive 
          Oooooooh I finally get it now 
          So that also explains one of my classmates once being extra protective and reading my dc chats 
          Oh damd 
          So that's why he kinda don't trust me in DC when I get it hm that explains a lot now 

I'm planning on making a another story 
          
          But it isn't about the sans au but about a story drama I did but translated version ( and also added stuff) 
          
          So I'm gonna make ghs cover first

It really sucks when I can't asked anyone for help when I actually need help on somethin 
          
          My mind just keep playing a memory of being made fun of and being hit by my mum for not knowing math . 
          
          I can't talk to anyone and no one can basically understand me when I talk my voice keep on getting bad. When I speak I sound like a doll with a broken voice because I tried learning other languages and accents for that spesific language 
          
          If I had a normal voice and my mind wouldn't replay a old childhood memory I would be brave to ask someone and talked to someone I don't know in life and try getting to know them 
          
          But all I do is just sit in silence and just draw and imagine my life if I forgot that memory 

I wanna take a break on life and sleep the whole day sometimes or forever 
          

When I made cute female characters then remembering I'm in a full male group 
          And you know what? 
          Idgaf about them I care about my cute characters so they gotta deal with it lalz 
          
          I have been having dark thoughts one is shutting down myself and one is shutting down someone 
          
          I love myself （｡>‿‿<｡ ）
          and I also hate myself (＾ω＾)
          
          My feelings are flowing at the same time 
          I feel sad and happy at the same time 
          I feel like makin chaos and being nice 
          I feel like breaking something and have a breakdown like yesterday 
          
          I feel like flowing tears out my face and smiling with pink paint on my cheeks (>_<) 
          
          I feel like swaying my body freely as if I'm free and don't have anything to worry about 
          I feel like dancing swaying my whole body meanwhile water flows out of somewhere and keep dancing until I I can't feel anything anymore 
          
          I can't feel loved by someone what's the point of me trying to get him? 
          
          I wanna get in relationships but they're boring too 
          
          I wanna get in a relationship thats not boring and the person loving me actually loves me and cared about me and when I get sick he sends me cute texts and tell me how to get better ヽ( 'ω' )ﾉ
          
          I wanna know what it feels to be loved by someone that's not family (≧∇≦)/
          
          I feel like crying in my bed 
          
          I don't know what I'm feeling right now I feel like many emotions are flowing out plz help