I'm just me. There's no way that I'd ever be able to describe myself in a nutshell so we're gonna leave it at this. Maybe the quotes will give you a few ideas.

"I don't switch. I walk with a heightened flair." 
-Self

"A successful man is one who makes more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."
-Lana Turner.

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
-Issac Asimov

"Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance?"
-Phyllis Diller

"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
-Laurence J. Peter

"A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists."
-Don Marquis

"When we talked to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic."
-Jane Wagner