@BlackBear1672 There has been actually only two others that have messaged me, not directly through my message board though about my stories. I actually plan to fix Alice in Wonderland's mistakes now that I read it, it's a tad slacking XD Well anyways thank you.
I don't believe your story is crappy just rather revealing. I find it hard to be caught on to an actual story if there isn't anything to learn about the story and if the story line is interesting. I wouldn't really call yours a story yet, but it seems to be a devolving idea. Since the characters are sort of just lifeless bodies right now with ages and appearances it's hard to place them into a story all together. They may have some things that they do but that doesn't define who they really are and you may make up the stories but just giving a list of characters doesn't qualify it as a story, or at least in my opinion it doesn't. You probably do have the best ideas in your head but it's hard to get it out on paper especially with the order you may want it in or what all you want to reveal to the actual reader. When you do turn it into a story, make sure you don't give it all away right off of the first chapter because then people might not want to read any further if it's already all revealed and it's just characters now going through the motions.
