@Chipearlme
One, don't apologize, you're human, you have feelings, and you can only take so much. And two, breaks are good sometimes, ya know? They give you a moment to process and figure out your next move with everything.
Third, Congratulations!!! I am so glad you figured out some things about yourself!! <3333 It's such a huge step honestly, you'll fully discover yourself within the years <3
And lastly, if you know in your heart that you want to be called Clay or Nick, it shouldn't matter what others think, it's whatever you're comfortable with. You just happen to want a name that creators have, it's a quite common name, so it shouldn't matter if a creator has that name.
You do you hun :] <3
much love, bee