ChloeTigerHoran

I’m trying to literally share this everywhere. On the 11th of December my beautiful, sweet little stepbrother, Freddie, very very sadly and heartbreakingly passed away. It was very sudden and completely unexpected. He should’ve been okay, he shouldn’t have died. We’re still waiting on the post mortem but I can’t make this make sense to me. 
          
          I set up a GoFundMe to try and help with the funeral costs. Freddie deserves the best, but my mum and Freddie’s dad, Lee, don’t have a lot of money. If anyone can give anything at all, if you’re able to of course, and/or share the GoFundMe across social media etc., that would be an enormous help. I just want to help out my Mum and Lee and help give Freddie the funeral he deserves – although he shouldn’t be having a funeral at all. He should be here, he should have just had a wonderful Christmas. But I know that he’s up there in heaven and that heaven is a much better place than here. But I don’t think he should be there yet. He should still be in this world, with us.
          
          Rest in peace gorgeous little Freddie. I wish I could see you again in this lifetime. I have no idea why God took you so early in your precious little life. 
          
          I don’t know if links work on here, so I’m going to attempt it, but the link is in my bio if anyone wants to do my family a massive favour by sharing or even donating if you’re able to. 
          
          Thank you if you read this. 
          
          https://gofund.me/cc40effb

I’m going to write now. Like, RIGHT now. I’m promising myself. 

I love you ❤️ will you marry me? 

I just realised I haven’t written a poem that’s actually for Surviving Myself since last year (until today). 

Can they like give us activity back on profiles? Because now I can’t stalk myself XD 

When you realise wattpad is the one constant in your life. >_<  XD 

No one cares but I’m updating tomorrow. 

I really hate writing anxiety. Maybe I shouldn’t say that because I don’t want to sound like an anxious person but that’s ironic and should I even bother to care anymore it’s only Wattpad? I’m not majorly that kind of anxious: I know people aren’t going to stalk me here. 

Oh no, okay SO I posted a poem to my book Surviving Myself called Please Listen that was EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to put out there. It's about what I've been dealing with for the past almost 7 months. It's called Functional Neurological/Movement Disorder (FND/FMD) or maybe you've heard of the term conversion disorder? Although this can be true, it's also what doctors can tell you when they don't know what's wrong.
          
          I know no one ever responds to my messages etc. and probably don't even read them, but THIS IS IMPORTANT. This isn't just about me anymore, I'm sure there are other people out there who feel similarly to me. I don't even know what's possessing me to write this right now, it was hard enough posting Please Listen which is hardly poetic (I do have a poem in the same book called psychosomatic which actually counts as a poem). The more people who read it though the more chance there is of hope, change and of comforting someone in a position I've become used to.
          
          Basically I'm a massive scaredy-cat who wants to raise awareness like all the other brave people I watch on YouTube, but I'm not quite brave enough. I already write though, so surely that isn't too socially far out of my depth for a starting point? 
          
          I may not be able to be a nurse anymore (and have realised I probably don't really want to - long story), but I still WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. So even if this backfires on me and hurts me more, if this gets to someone who needs it then maybe there was a purpose in this.
          
          Please Listen. If you want to help me then please spare a few minutes on my poem. -OH MY GOODNESS WHAT AM I ON ABOUT I'm not even sure I want anybody to see this because it's scary, embarrassing and puts me in a really vulnerable place. But hey, I'm trying! So if you want to TRY to understand too, maybe head over there! 
          
          Thanks for your time,
          Chloe 

Hey Chloe! Long time no speak - how are you? :)