"My name is Claud Mells, and I am a story. Well, you can call me Claud Mells. My name and location are a secret, because if I told you -- well, I wouldn't have to kill you, but you might have to disappear. For good. Because my life is a story so bizarre and wonderful to your world, if you knew where I was you'd never leave it either; that is, you wouldn't want to leave your part of it...."