do you ever feel like you're slow forgetting who you are and don't know your own personality and every time you try to not to cry or say to much it just slips out and you panic and overthink because your afraid that they will hate you and leave you, when somebody cares for you you think it a lie since all your childhood was full of lies, trauma, etc, you think that you'd better off dead, not alive because you grow up thinking your a disappoint and nobody really wanted you, you have thoughts of dying but a part of you wants to stay, you feel like your trap in your own head and cant escape, you feel numb but wish to have feelings and be happy.
Just me-