I was proven wrong for something I did my entire life, my behavior, which I thought was logical and reasonable, just made my sister cry out in sadness and presumably frustration. She said she felt like she has lost her brother but I genuinely don't know how I managed to do that, I thought I was being a good brother but I was blind to see that I absolutely did nothing, Instead of adding things into her life I just kept sucking and sucking things out of her, I really tried to apologize but the damage is and has been done and there really isn't anything I can do now, just accept things.
If only I could go back in the past and never be dependent on her, this would have never happened and she wouldn't have ever felt like she's 'lost her brother'.
I knew beforehand how useless and lazy I was (am) but I never really thought I was this much of an obstacle in my family's path, no matter what happens, it all ends up in me being the problem and not accepting it, I thought I wasn't and I just kept cutting myself, thinking I had real problems but I genuinely don't, I just want attention but attention for what? why do I want the attention I don't even deserve?
I really don't want to die but I hope I do, so then my family can be happier, I'm really just a horrible person for those around me and I should not even be loved or trusted by someone.
