John / Mayo

https://www.wattpad.com/1320704163-hmm-the-straw-what-happened
          Spread the word.

Turned off heating in my room because i want it to be cold like seb was to me moments ago. hate myself, but hey, already said thet, eh/
          
          not the best day for me, matter of fact end ioft the world might be comin because haha, worst year of mu life yet! i wonder how the world'll end, maybe in... fire, nuclear blasts? mayeb even that supernoava blast from the far reaches i talke andout in the last post, haha.
          
          i ain't drunk, just real cold and real tired at the same time! bet noneya experience that, do ya? especially with a aching back, righ?
          
          anyhow, dont be likkk me fellas. i ruined my life, doenst mean you gotta ruine yours. dont do what i did, dont be dicks to ya friends, dont let ya mind push those limits, haha. it aint fun at all
          
          ive lost appertit for gaming and everything else. i feel i dont deserve anything after dthat, damn right
          i wonder what being drunk alongside this is like lamoa.

I'm not even happy anymore, just dissappointed in myself, really... I've never been like this prior to several months ago... why the fuck did this happen, I just want to be normal... I can't overfuckingstate this enough, my mind likes to push the fucking limits, even for the smallest things. Never said it because people'd think I was making excuses, so I never told nobody. Guess this is now our little secret, hehe.
          
          I genuinely feel bad for myself, self-pity isn't even the worst thing in the world. I might be ignorant and an idiot, but I dunno what I'm even doing half the time, feel sort of in a haze when things finally happen to me...
          
          I've ruined everything, wish for a supernova blast from an exploding star to hit earth so I die, haha, y'know? Like one of those bright lights that comes out from a supernova on both sides? Yeah, if I wanna go out, I'd rather it be as big and awesome of a way to die as that. Not by some knife in my gut or a slit throat, something awesome...
          
          Guess I am just an idiot, lmao. Hate myself, but lmao... I'm not the best person in the world, but also not the worst, right? I should just be glad I'm not the worst in the world, despite now having lost all but a single friend now.
          
          Her name's Aubrey, she's pretty nice... I mean, Miles is sorta a half friend, ya'know? We rp and shite... once this is alll over Imma get drunk and die of alcohol poisoning probably... hella way to die lol.
          
          Was a mistakeassuming that Seb didn't know... shoulda asked ***if*** he knew what it was like, assuming makes an ass outta you and me, haha! All on Christmas day.
          
          Welp, hate myself and this is mah worst christmas yet... I don't care haha! im totally happy! im ytotally fie! Im tottaly cool and totally happy and totally not depressed and sad because i got no friends anymore hahah!

You all made a big fucking mistake...
          I PUT EVERYTHING I COULD INTO MY LIFE! I tried to keep it together to the best of my ability, and now even SEB leaves me? YOU ARE ALL STUPID. BETRAYING. BASTARDS!
          
          You're all doing it to push me away, adn I fucking knew Seb didn't actually give a shit, fuck you too, Seb! Up fucking yours, you pornographic-loving child!
          
          All I wanted was fucking happiness, all I wanted was to.... what's even the point?
          
          Why should I get angry? Not like this... I didn't want to do this.... I can't- I can't even anymore...
          
          I'm too angry, too heated, I don't wanna... I don't... I just want to be happy, but here I am relegated to ranting and crying on an old WattPad account...
          
          Geez, I forgot this one even existed... my very first WattPad. So many fond memories... too bad they're all spoiled now. I'm a loner, doomed to walk alone because of how fucking stupid I am, rambling without reason and those ramblings getting me into trouble... oh, bother.... I hate myself.
          
          I mean, I started this message as like... being heated and stuff, I never meant it, I'm just typing this as I go.... just putting my thoughts down here. What happened to me? My old self from high school? Has he been a rotting corpse in the back of my mind? He hasn't come back in ages. He hasn't even come around to check up on me.
          
          Ah, pisss.... I can't do this alone- I've never been able to do things alone. My mom always told me I was never mature enough to handle things, and here I am being immature... guess mama knows best... I really want to apologize, not like it'd matter to anyone anymore, apologize and sorry are oversaturated for me, now... ah, fuck... can't sleep, guess I'll just stay awake...
          
          I just can't take this anymore, y'know? I have genuine thoughts of cutting my arm just to feel something nice for once... I just...

Once you see it you can't unsee it... Amy's dress in your profile pic looks like she is wearing some kind of red sleeveless shirt,a small handkerchief, and a short white skirt