Vivienne333
Wow, that was quite a start. Other than a few grammatical errors, I think it's really good. The only thing is the last scene, which is packed with emotion, isn't very impactful. It's short and while there is some detail, it isn't much. I know that this sort of subject is difficult to write about, but it may help you to do some more character development with Nicole. Try to describe exactly how she feels.
CourtenaiLeverton
@Vivienne333 I republished it, I edited t a little, but I need to sleep so I will continue tomorrow.
Vivienne333
@Vivienne333 you're welcome, can't wait to read it again, and see where this story goes.