The possum whisperer

"doctor!" Yelled Sharlson, a rich bratty bottom from South West Virginia "something is terribly wrong!"
          
          "Why... Continue-" Dr Shaft muttered , knowing very well that he had left the fruit loops out of the fridge, and that his wife was cheating on him with his ....personal... barber
          
          
          "I've been having this issue quite recently...see... I seem to be able to fart out of two..." He rephrased: "out of MULTIPLE places at once."
          
          The Doctor pulled out a Sharpie and wrote it on his left buttock. "I see.... I see..."
          
          "It feels as though my seven brain cells can't decide what hole is best!" He squirmed, knowing very well that he neither was capable of such distinction..
          
          "Well..." Proclaimed Shaft , after a few minutes of deliberation, "it seems to me like you seem to be having: A Blast"
          
          "

Hello, I like women too

Hello Wattpadders, I am honoured to present my newest character yet. 
          
          Father Nathan ™ (aka Nattie Daddy) is, and always has been, a resident of Phoenix, Arizona. Born and raised the Catholic child he was expected to be, Nathan grew to be as much of a disappointment to the family as the intricate individual writing this portrait. Having been brought up in a conservative household full of lawyers, preists notaries, and accountants, he decided to open a burlesque centre for 'bored, but rich dilfs' in 2016. "I just liked it for the show, really, I never knew so many rich men would enjoy shaking their garnishings with me on stage, but I'm not complaining. Never hahah, it's quite the bonding experience, I even had a few celebrities attend the show", comments Nathan, "nonono, I don't have daddy issues darling, I'm just sick of the ordinary, and please, call me Nattie-". To the public's greatest surprise, the centre thrived for the following 4 years; "I never imagined so many Russian Goulags would enjoy the spectacle, they make up for like...what, 79% of our customers?? In Russia I'm known as 'Nãtãenul Paposhka', they love me there" . As for his iconic physique, he is a man of slender frame, with a very elongated spine, that, though straight, serves its function of carrying a 'shit ton of fruity-tooty' impeccably. His pale complexion is complimented by his heterochromia, making his outlandish extravaganza furthermore enticing! With 5 different Capricorn placements, he has mastered the art of : pretending not to give a fuck, but with style, to up-most perfection. "When I got my first divorce in 1991, I only shed a tear at the divorce court because Freddie Mercury had died earlier that week." In 2020, when Covid struck, Nathan resorted to the stock market in order for his business to survive. "Yea.. Amazon bought a few shares here and there ... So did my ex husband-". It was during the pandemic, though, that Nattie Daddy invented his major breakthrough 'the manthong'.

YoDeLeHiHoOo

SCOTLAND

Is it just me or is IKEA's Djungelskog the only thing restraining IKEA from littlerally handing out divorce papers to couples that agressively fight by the furniture....

hello UwU

BeRi BeRi

@DaughterOfLegends for the record, sasoll isn't fat.....shes curvy

@DaughterOfLegends https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRBOnA0ak4w