❤ Leo and Patches ❤

Oh yeah, and there's this, for anyone who's interested https://www.wattpad.com/1168531470-contests-and-challenges-holiday-chills-open

Me: Omigosh why can't there be just ONE book where the MC doesn't have a s/o??? 
          
          Also me: *ships every oc I make*

Nothing like an early morning panic attack to get your day started on the right foot :)

Therapist: Well what are you reading? 
          Me: *explaining how I can barely read bc of concentration* But I'm currently trying to read Nausea, at least a few pages at a time
          Therapist: ... Oh, by C. S. Lewis? 
          Me: No, not Narnia... *Nausea.* Ahh, I know the author's name, but I can't pronounce... 
          Therapist: ...Nausea...? I only know of Nausea by Satre...
          Me: Yes, that's his name! Well, that one. 
          Therapist: ... That's not exactly light reading, Foxy...
          Me: ...
          Me: wElL nO Sh!T, ShErLoCk, ThAt'S kInD oF tHe PoInT-
          
          
          I swear I didn't actually say that out loud, I'm not that respectful... In my THOUGHTS I'm that disrespectful, but I can't control my thoughts so... I do control my words though, I swear, I swear, I just answered with "oh" or smthg like that, I just found it funny XDDDDD

So you mean to tell me this whole time I was "maladaptive daydreaming?" I thought I was just daydreaming like normal pple do. B r u h. 
          
          Okay, so it's NOT normal for a kid to tell their mom to stop talking and leave them alone for a minute because their daydream is at the best part?? (My mom got upset at me and refused to talk to me for the next twenty minutes btw XDDD) 
          
          Also I thought pacing while daydreaming/ making faces and muttering was completely normal. Like, I'm still 90% sure it's completely normal and Google's just exaggerating-

Tw, me being passively suicidal for 1580 words straight)) 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Alright. So we all know how dramatic I am, right? Now, I never plan anything out, so ik something like this would *never* work. But I was thinking about it last night... ngl, it was so comforting. Alright, so hear me out. I sneak out in the middle of the night, fully dressed, makeup, jewelry, the whole shebang. If I'm going out, I'm going to do it looking my best. I bring my phone and headphones, and walk to the bus stop right near my house. I take the bus stop over to one of those big office buildings. They're not skyscrapers, but they have to be at least 12+ stories from what I can tell. Somehow I get inside. Idk, ig I can break in or whatever cuz it won't really matter. Before I break in, tho, I start the song. Breezeblocks x Take a Slice. The whole big like two minutes intro I make my way up to the roof. If there's still time, I'll stand there, just looking down at the city. I put my phone in my jackets pocket and zip it so it doesn't fall, then, as the build up begins, I climb on the ledge, back to the ground. I wait, and then when those four notes hit... I jump, falling as the climax plays, back to the ground so that the last thing I can see is the stars. I'd like to imagine that the resolution is still playing as I lie on the floor... not possible, I know, but it would all just be so poetic.
          
          
          I want it so badly that I'm actually wondering if I can get my brain to lucid dream this... Like, if I push hard enough, maybe I can actually experience this in at least one reality...

So there's an animator on YT named Nirami, right? And I love watching their videos bc on of their characters, Martin, acts a heck of a lot like Leo. They're basically the same person. Anyways, like three days ago Nirami posted a video of how their OCS would be in The Squid Games and.... BRO, MARTIN JUST WON BY DISTRACTING EVERYONE BY DANCING. 
          
          
          
          IF THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT LEO WOULD DO, IDK WHAT IS.

what the fuck boys need to stop puberty-ing
          
          
          me: heh do you wanna know a self defense tip?
          my friend: sure why not
          my ex: yes bc u assaulted me in 6th grade :)
          me: mk sooo basically yknow how with boys their weakness is kicking them in the balls?
          the two boys: oh yeah rip to those whose balls have been shattered by being kicked #savetheballs
          me: ok, so, biological females have that weakness too, sorta. just punch them in the boobs REALLY REALLY hard. it hurts like a fucking bitch :skull:
          friend: wHy DoNt We TeSt iT oUt? *goes to me*
          me, knowing he's joking: BITCH! *pulls up my chromebook to protect my ✨ mommy milkers ✨*
          my ex: instead of punching, why don't we just g r a b them instead, huh reese??? ;))))
          me, deadpan: im teaching you self defense not sexual assault. you perv. go to horny jail
          my friend, being oblivious: BWAHAHAHAHAHA
          me: :|
          my ex: ;))) think about it, it'd be much more affective ;) *reaches his hand out towards my tiddies*
          me, angry as hell: FUCK OF YOU BITCH
          my friend, still oblivious: WHEEZE AHAHAHAHA
          my ex: see, sO mUcH mOrE aFfECtIvE-
          
          
          
          
          
          bro ik u want me but chill :eyeroll:
          
          

I'm a genius. I figured out a basic principle of science through nothing but philosophy. I literally just realized that color is an illusion, and that without the illusion of color every would be black, the absence of color, which is why we can't see in the dark. Bc light is what creates the illusion of color. LOOK, IK I'VE LEARNED THIS IN LIKE THIRD GRADE SCIENCE, BUT IT JUST RE-HIT ME, OK? also, did I mention that my neighbors are literal psychos? They cut their cat in half (we're thinking with an electric saw) and left the bottom half in our driveway. We have no proof it was them but this isn't the first time shady things have happened to their cats. We're begining to realize that they've been killing their cats off. So yeah, now I'm scared out of my wits. Fun fact, delimbed and mutilated pets and animals are a reoccurring theme in my dreams (like Jarold lmbo) so when it happened I had a small panic attack bc I thought I was dreaming. Speaking of panic attacks, I had one on Sunday, bc thinking about more than a couple weeks into the future freaks me out. I was thinking about how Imma be really old on my birthday, and how I have no idea how my future is going to turn out, since I'm extremely dependent and irresponsible when I'm not forced to be. I was thinking about how I'm going to be a major disappointment to my parents, and that they'll probably cry when I tell them I don't know if I believe in God, bc ik how much their religion means to them. So then that stupid voice said, "You have a lot of medication. Spare yourself the pain." 

I went down the rabbit whole that is "Everything is is fine" 
          *Breathes in breathes out*
          WELP, IMMA HAVE NIGHTMARES TONIGHT-