Sariel3700
I don't know if you still remember me or care at all anymore, but I wanted to apologize. It's been 4 years too long for my apology, and I can only have my guilt to blame for it, but it's no valid excuse and I take full accountability for it. Because of my lies, irresponsibility, superiority complex, attention-seeking, and constant lying, I'm sure I have brought you and the others unwarranted grief and anger. I still remember the horrible things I did and said to you and everyone else for shallow or self-centered reasons. And even with it all, I was so stuck up that I never truly able to appreciate everything that you've done for me. The fact that you constantly messaged me and kept me company, or how you always invited me to roleplays that I otherwise would not join. I only began to understand the lengths that you went to for someone like me. And to think I'd repay you by just leaving you and everyone behind me and cutting all contact. It's something that I'll eternally regret for the rest of my life. I do not expect you to accept my apology, nor will I ever put it against you if you hate me, but I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for leaving you and taking this long to speak again, I'm sorry for what I have done to the others, I'm sorry for bringing you sadness for what I have done, and I'm sorry for having been such a cruel person.
Sariel3700
@Sariel3700 Even now, I still can't help but remember all the ways I've failed you as a person. I keep telling myself that my best repentance is to become a better person, and yet my mind is as clouded today as it was many months ago. I guess my mind has not moved on, it's painful, yet I feel deserving of it all.
Sariel3700
@Sariel3700 Oh yeah, I apologize for all that cheesy talk earlier, I think I was in an especially vulnerable emotional state.
Sariel3700
After much thought, I realized that this obsession is in some ways, just a way for me to cling to my past regrets in a way that enabled me to re-affirm the idea of becoming a better person. Even after all this time, I still feel guilty, and I still feel the need to ask for forgiveness. It's clung onto my head in such a way that I can't find it in me to move on...when you already have. It's clear to me now that I've held onto the hope of forgiveness to an unhealthy degree, and I want to acknowledge that it's likely best to just, move on, instead of being an unwanted adhesive. You may never see these messages again, but I genuinely wish you all the happiness and success in your future endeavors. I hope you find joy and fulfillment, something I never truly was able to give you, moving forward.
