Ok, so, I kno this is random but I need to get this off my chest. I’m in this in between where I hope they see this but really hope they don’t. anyways, I have this crush on a guy and I have for the longest time. it’s almost been a year (a little longer maybe) that I’ve liked him. the thing is though, he’s my ex. about 5 months ago I broke up with him because I was on the road traveling and we barely got 2 see each other and it hurt 2 b away from him. my love language is physical interaction and not being able 2 have that my feelings faded and when I saw him again after so long it felt different. I thought long and hard about a decision that hurt like crazy. I didn’t want 3 hold him back and I didn’t want my feelings 2 fade away with being on the road while his feelings would gro and hurt him more in the end so I decided to break up with him. about 3 days later tho, I was told we’d be getting a house. about 2 weeks ltr from that I had a new bf for 2 reasons 1: he got me a season pass 2 Disney and I couldn’t say no and 2: we was a decent distraction and I figured he’d gro on me. after 3 months, I broke up with him because he ended up being a jerk who couldn’t understand me. I ended up talking with my ex again after awhile and we slowly grew comfortable with each other again but it’s still a little awkwrd because of what happened. we talked about the breakup and he knos why I did what I did but he has this rule where he doesn’t get with his exs and I respect that but it still hurts. I appreciate that we can talk openly about this 2. his parents seem 2 hate me now tho and I kno if we were to get back together it wouldn’t b the same (tho I kno that won’t ever happen) This is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and there’s no way 2 fix it. he’s my wrld tho I kno I have 2 keep it hidden. I lost him as mine but I don’t wanna lose him entirely so I’m fine with being just friends, i just don’t think these feelings are gonna ever really go away and I won’t ever truly move on.
