Danny Alpaca

Why does my mom think the only thing that should be in my diet is hot pockets and bland ass chips? SALT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE IT BETTER AND SALT IS MY JAM.

As someone who's part of the 'I-Find-Serial-Killers-Attractive-and-Cute' community, I feel obligated to say that it is because I am severely depressed. I'm not suicidal. I just don't care anymore. I'm just a spirit in a meat vessel.

I wanna mary Lizard from Hills Have Eyes or Bird Person from Rick & Morty. I don't care. I want to have their babies.

What are your plans for the future? Here's mine:
          - Own a cabin mansion in the middle of the forest (preferably near a lake)
          - Have a pet bear (preferably a Kodiak)
          - Have a kind and loving boyfriend or girlfriend who's just as southern as I am
          - Hunt and sell pelts 
          - Make and sell cheese

Guys help I actually accidentally drank motor oil. I had it in a cola can while I had my actual cola was beside it and I drank  some of it. This is like that time I drank floor finish. Help.

Alas, I have bought a jesters costume and have scared the shit out of my female birth giver.

I just chugged a bottle of motor oil to stay awake because I haven't slept in like 3 days. Excuse me while I go deepthroat a banana.