Knight524

I haven’t done this is a while, but I needed it tonight. I remember us, the friendship we used to have and it hurts. It hurts so much I feel like I’m sinking into myself because even though it’s been two years, loosing you feels like the world is ending once I reopen the memories.
          I thought you were going to be my person. The one. Probably not romantically, but I imagined a lot longer than our friendship did actually last. Back to the time when I wasn’t scared of arguing, because I knew we would come back from it.
          From talking all day, to thinking of each other. I don’t remember what your favourite animal was and I’m sorry. I don’t remember what your favourite fruit was, and I’m sorry. I don’t remember the name of your dog, or the name of your sister and that makes me more mournful to our faded friendship because it feels real. Like it’s slipping through my fingertips.
          And even though we were petty, we did bad, I still miss you. You, you. I still miss us. Even when we went from enemies to friends, against each other for petty reasons, we came together. Perhaps because the universe felt like it. Because how can two people who disliked each other so much suddenly be each other’s best friend? ++

I feel like I could make a whole series on us. On our moments. On what we should’ve been.
          And I know I play a fault in here. I should’ve listened. But you hurt me. And a like any other times, the anger has just faded away. But in the moment it felt so real, so hurtful and raw. I felt like a replacement, like you were already past gone.
          I just miss my best friend. I just want him back. But I know that may never happen so I shut the little gate and try to forget.
          But every now and then, I’ll stumble back upon it. Maybe even take a peep and relive all our memories. And I’m just hoping that you’re doing so too, that I wasn’t a page to be torn out your book, but a tale to be retold.
          And then I’ll put you away. Neatly, before I get swallowed up in all our adventures and stories to the point I want to forget reality. 
          And maybe in another lifetime, we’ll get to live our our proper story. One, with a happy ending.

Hm. It’s been a long time. Looking into a mirror and wondering who I am, whether it’s my life I’m living or another. Wondering if anything is worth it, or even functioning.
          
          How different my situation was from what would’ve been the previous year. Friendships, firsts, relationships. How much have I changed? Life is just one large curiosity people can’t help but push their noses into. Unfortunately.

Prove them wrong. I like that phrase. Exceeding expectations to make them wonder how they could think so little. Being disappointed in my results don’t have to be the only thing that comes out of a piece of paper with ink. 
          
          Today, my tutor told me to prove everyone wrong. I thought I was crazy to be the only one thinking like that, and now I feel motivated. My tutor is also my geography teacher, and took no waste in telling me to prove him wrong. That I was capable. That I can exceed them. I wanna be that smug ass who walks in on results day, and show then what they looked down on. 
          
          That’s not my New Years resolutions, because I’m sticking to it.

Goodbye, adios.. see you later. But I care too much for you to be hurt, and haunted over mistaken choices. I shall choose for you, even if it a decision we both don’t want. Because I value you, and I can tell you value me- and that’s enough to let you go. It’s just for a while we say, and never forever. But I know that one day we’ll be strangers again- and however that is not okay, as long as you’re happy, I’ll be fine. 
          
          She’ll be fine she said. She’ll be just fine.

Still. Why must you be there? Infatuated with you, drunk on you like an endless supply of alcohol. At this point, I don’t even want an explanation, rather a reverse of time. A chance, for you to correct.
          
          I knew I was going to get hurt with you. It was like a fairytale, and I wanted my happy ending. Thought I found my soulmate, and only ended up with a heartache. 
          
          I don’t even understand. It’s foggy, and you’re there, smiling. Playing. Laughing. Wondering. Would we be more at this point. Who are you. Who were you, and who will you be? 
          
          One day I’ll come to terms that you’re a past, but I’ll never come to terms that we both lost something worthy. 
          
          I valued you, and I wished you had valued me. 
          
          You succeeded in keeping yourself implanted into my mind. And at no doubt do I think I’ll stop pondering. However, you didn’t succeed in desire. Afterall, everyone knows Karma’s a Bitch. 

If alternate universe exist, I wonder what destined one to a timeline. How is it in favour? Or it it random to have us at luck’s mercy? In an infinite amount of timelines with infinite possibilities, do I think the same? Or is it the case of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’? Do I wish for something to never get, only for another version of myself to think the same thing. Will my happy ever after happen in this reality, or am I, the me of currently in this universe destined only to a pitiful and miserable destiny.

Summer may have begun, but so has my boredom. Maybe I’m not so compatible with you, but the ideal fate has screwed multiple people over multiple times. Is it you, or is it you? My heart swoons wonders with curiosity, and light up with pits of bubbles during your laughter.
          
          So effortlessly, I smiled. This year was by far one of the hardest, and only a handful of people who I care to spend time with, but definitely wouldn’t trust. Innocence in looks, but a deceiving personality.
          
          But still I want to be back in the hands of fools. 
          
          But I definitely don’t want to be one of you.

Try all you might, but if you go too fast you’ll trip and fall behind. 

It’s a small memory, one of a while back but one I’m willing not to forget as I’m letting it soak into the Internet.
          
          But, the worst of lessons turn out to be the best, and the best of lessons become the worst. In my opinion, it’s the same thing as friendship.
          
          And that’s why salt makes the sour seem sweeter. And sugar makes the sweet taste a tad bit bitter.