Darkon_Fantasy012
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I feel like Iām disappearing. Not all at onceāno, that would be too easy. Itās slow, agonizing, like Iām being erased piece by piece, and I donāt even have the strength to stop it. I donāt know why. I donāt know when it started. I just know that every day, I wake up feeling less. Less human. Less alive. Less me.
I donāt look in mirrors anymore. I canāt. Because the girl staring back at me is a stranger, hollow and lifeless, wearing my face like a cruel joke. I donāt know her. I donāt want to know her. Sheās not me. Sheās justā¦ whatās left.
Inside, something is suffocating. A storm with no escape, screaming and raging inside my ribs, begging to be let out. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to tear at my skin just to feel something. But whatās the point? The moment I break, I already know what theyāll sayā
"Youāve changed."
"Stop being so dramatic."
"Youāre just making excuses."
"Quit acting like a bitch."
As if I chose this. As if I want to feel like a walking corpse.
Believe me, I tried. I tried so damn hard to be who I used to be. To force the smiles, the laughter, the normalcy. To make them believe I was still her. But I failed. And now, they see me for what I really am.
Pathetic.
Weak.
Useless.
Fucking worthless.
Iām sorry. I really am. I know Iām exhausting. I know Iām a burden. I know youāre sick of me.
But donāt worry. You wonāt have to deal with me for much longer. Just a little more time, okay? Just a few more years. Long enough to make sure my little brother gets a job, settles down, and takes care of Mom. Thatās my only purpose now. Thatās all I have left. Because thatās what the eldest daughter is supposed to doācarry everything, break in silence, and never ask for help.
Thatās all I am.
A burden. A disappointment. A fucking mistake.
A soul slipping into nothingness, just waiting to be lost forever.
Rosielove337
@Darkon_Fantasy012 woah... That's surely a lot of cravings... Hehe... Well, it's true, it's in human nature to crave for things which they can't get... The things which is not given to them, attracts them a lot!! Sorry, I just read psychology a lot.... Hehe... Well, to be honest, I truly hope that all of your cravings are fulfilled one day... You get everything you wish!! Especially the partner * wink* Anyways, I truly hope the best for you!! I truly hope you get all this things.. whether it's love or completeness!! Well, I really appreciate your kind words!! And yeah, you also, okay? Share with me if you ever felt that you want to talk.. There's going to be a huge debate on who loves whom more.. hehe..!!
Rosielove337
@Darkon_Fantasy012 well... That's truly a lot of things.. which you have carried inside youself... To be honest, you're strong.. I can see that.. you talk so deeply about things and so responsible and all this things truly make you a very strong person... I respect you a lotttttt!! You're great in it!! Don't doubt youself!! Anyone who will read your msg can tell that you're very great in writing like.. you surely know how to express and describe what you're feeling!! Not everyone is capable of doing that!! Not even me.. I have a lot of problems in explaining what I want.. there are many times when I'm not able to clearly express what I'm... Feeling or trying to say which usually makes the other person feel more confused... Awwww... Thank youuuu sooo much for your kindness!! I'll surely remember that!! Thank you, thank you so much!! And you alsooooo!! You're also amazing!!
Darkon_Fantasy012
@Rosielove337 I love the word "craving." Thereās something about it that feels raw, honest, and deeply human. Maybe itās because it speaks to the parts of me I canāt always explainālike how you feel about loyalty. But for me, itās not just one thing I crave. Itās everything I donāt have, everything I ache for in ways I canāt always put into words. I crave loveānot the kind thatās fleeting or superficial, but the kind that stays, that anchors you even when the world feels like itās falling apart. I crave peaceānot just quiet, but the kind of peace that settles deep inside you, where the noise of the world canāt reach. I crave the idea of forever sleep, not in a dark or hopeless way, but as a release from the weight of everything I carry. I crave completenessāthe feeling of being whole, of not always searching for something to fill the gaps. And I crave a partnerāsomeone who understands me better than I understand myself, someone who sees me, truly sees me, and still chooses to stay. And then there are the simpler cravingsāthe ones that make life feel a little lighter. Chocolates, cakes, pastries, pizza, chola bhatura, dalsevā¦ all the food that brings a moment of joy in the middle of the chaos. Huh! Sometimes, itās the small things that keep you going, right? And donāt worry about leaning on me. Iām used to carrying weightāitās nothing new. If you ever need someone to share the load, Iām here. You donāt have to do it all alone. Love you more and moreā¦ endlesslyā„ļø
