Perverted asexual. I have been known to say things like-
(after freaking out like a soldier with PTSD in gym) 'I swear I didn't serve in 'Nam, I haven't even been in a fight before...'
'Don't eat me, I taste like self-loathing and daddy issues!'
On a side note- if I say something offensive, I probably don't mean/know it.  It's not against anyone (probably)...