Hey Davis , I really love your story plot , I love your ideas and I think only me can love him would be a really good story . I dont know if my ideas would be beneficial to you , for the start up ..introduce your story to us. Dont just jump into the story , start by introducing yourself as an author ,the characters you have chosen , their characterizations , give us something that would intrigue us to want to read the next chapter .
Secondly ...your characters are amazing but please let them come Alive . You can use first person narrative technique . Put emotions , put actions ,suspense , romance , pity. I read a book about a girl who had loved a guy that wasn't her's to love in the first place . He was her sister's husband . And I actually cried for the girl when she had to die for the guy to finally notice her.
Give your characters a chance to tell their story . Much love from Nigeria
